rethinking our thinking?

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it." - Mary Engelbreit

Readers,

It's the 31st of August 2014. Already. 

We find ourselves yet again at the end of another month in our calendar, another month gone in which tasks have been completed, goals and motives have been achieved, and other forthcoming events in our lives await us in the not so distant horizon. It's an exciting time, but a time I always tread upon with a sense of caution. 

Lately I've got to thinking, despite what should arguably be feelings of relief and achievement at the dawning of a new month in our calendars, along with the 'reaching another point on life's righteous path' mentality, it seems, to me anyway, that in actuality the opposite occurs. As a society we are becoming more and more negative in our mindset towards daily life and what it means to really 'live'. We've caused it, we're to blame, it's at our own despair, and it's our problem.  

My question? Well, Why?

...

Work today was a struggle, especially when it consisted of time passing slower than waiting for paint to dry. It's now all too apparent to me that August and more to the point, a Sunday in August, is not exactly the ideal leather bag buying day for the general public, or for a better word, whom we like to call our customers. So there I stood, phone in hand, balancing half my body weight against the door of the staffroom in an attempt to wedge it open whilst scrolling with one eye through my Pinterest account with the other keeping a watchful eye over the floor.

I know, right? Such dedication.

As it just so happened, in the midst of this session of Pinterest scrolling, with not to mention some seriously intricate levels of customer focus and attention... *cough*, I stumbled across yet another set of wise words - "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it." - Mary Engelbreit. 

It hit me so hard that I couldn't not get it, that I couldn't not see the sign that for whatever reason, this (whatever 'this' is), was supposed to dawn on me in that very moment, right there, in my slouched state of existence, both mentally and physically. It hit me like a fish would instantly take to water. It really is as simple as that isn't it? - our mindset is everything. Our mindset is what counts, right? Rethinking the thinking we do ourselves is crucial for success in our daily lives. Such words made me evaluate the many stresses, issues, worries and concerns that, lets face it, every person has and simply cannot escape. I stopped and asked myself...just how much of what I think about and intensely analyse to the most microscopic detail throughout my life is genuinely necessary? How much of what I panic and stress about is in actuality as important as I make it out to be? How does such a stress-filled, negatively analytical and downright depressive state of mentality impact upon my daily life as a citizen? It's a thought that, needless to say, provided a huge realisation to both me and my inner self.

I'll happily admit that I'm an incredibly stressful sort of person. Little to large, it's become all too apparent to me throughout my adolescent years and into adulthood that daily challenges, tasks, issues, deadlines and situations stress me far too much to be deemed acceptable, maybe even to be deemed as normal. To many this is shocking, to those laid-back soles who get stressed over next to nothing, such a state of mind is, well, pretty much incomprehensible. Nevertheless, to me and anyone else who can relate, such a state of mind is hard to steer away from. Like many aspects in our lives, I've come to realise that changing your mindset appears easier said than done. It's a task, however, that I'm willing to give my best shot. Yet time, after time, after time, I all too often find myself slowly sinking back into my old habits. It's true what they say, isn't it?...old habits really do die hard.

There's nothing quite as satisfying as the true beauty of making time for the smaller things in life, the smaller things in life that I've come to learn in the end, prove themselves to be not so small after all - grabbing coffee with your nearest and dearest, spontaneous weekend trips home, an evening run with good music to act as the motivator to get yourself back in shape, buying yourself something new just because you can...things that help initiate a positively fuelled mentality towards life. Don't underestimate the ability these apparently 'small' things have. It's fabulous.

It's indisputable that at least nowadays, there are very few things that can be classified as black and white, straightforward, easy to grasp. One, however, might just be this...we can't create positive views towards life with a negative mindset. We have to heal the wounds we feel are at the core of the issues we have within our life. Once we stop seeing ourselves as victims to life's pressures and step back from this 'everything is against me' type of attitude, it will open up an abundance of new and improved levels of access to our personal powers, along with the way we think and feel about life. At the end of the day, we only get one life, but if we get it right and live it the way it should be lived, well I'd say once is just about enough.

Dwelling on life's unfairness and the injustices doesn't do anything towards changing aspects that, really, when the cards are on the table, are always going to be apparent. Something, somewhere, at some point in our lives is always going to be unfair, frustrating, challenging, draining and tiresome, but it's how we deal with such emotions that counts. Negativity does nothing besides draining our energy, magnifying pessimistic emotions and keeping us unhealthily fixated on the problems in life as apposed to enabling us to rather stay focused upon finding solutions. 

When I reinforce such a lifestyle into my own interpretations, it appears that I'm presented with a choice. I can slink off the runway of life and let my inner morals and inner self die of shame because of such a persistently negative mentality, or I can pick myself up, flaws and all, and make a direct change to combatting such an attitude. That's just what I intend to do, because when real people fall down in life they do just that, they get right back up and keep on walking along the path of what life has to offer.

It turns out that my little act of self realisation has provided me with the incentive to brush some of this knowledge onto others. Life could really be a lot worse.

In order for us to think rationally and generally more positive about life, we need to recognise that our reactions are just that, reactions, and it's us that need to consciously choose the extent to which such reactions will dictate the actions we project towards our state of mentality. Be it positive or negative, it's up to YOU to choose how you want your life experiences to be. I won't say what the answer is, because there isn't one.

Let's give it a try. I will if you will. 

Let's see how it goes - good luck! 

L xo

the straight and narrow 'challenge' ?

Readers,

Self control is a relatively simple, yet priceless value. Self control is a highly motivated act of, emm, well I guess you could say just generally getting, or perhaps maintaining (in that case, having), your shit together. 

Think about the last time you were tempted to do something that really, you shouldn't do or otherwise generally wouldn't do when you're feeling at your normal best - skipping that evening gym session, eating a bar of chocolate at 1am because you can't sleep, staying up that extra hour knowing you've got an early start ahead of you. If you actually take a second to stop and put things into a realistic context, it appears that everyday of our lives, albeit a few exceptions, we find ourselves in quite the tricksy situation - the situation of routines, and more accurately perhaps, the idea of maintaining such routines in order to feel we have at least some sort of control over certain aspects in our lives. We are constantly challenged to keep up with the 'fast paced' life so many of us seem to lead, constantly challenged with the factor of commitment and the consequences if such commitments are broken, constantly challenged to adhere to the 'do's and don'ts' of typical modern living. Life, needless to say, is exhausting. 

There's a line in a song that perfectly summarises what I'm trying to say. The line is this - "you shoot across the sky like a broken arrow, but it's so hard to keep yourself on the straight and narrow." 

So let's stop for a second and translate the aforementioned into a more straightforward perspective. So, in this case, it seems that we're all shooting across the sky at a million miles an hour in so many different directions, in other words, we're all doing our thing, whatever that 'thing' may be - career, school, college - you name it, we're doing it, but nevertheless, along the way on this so-called 'shooting' path we apparently lead, we at some point inevitably face a constant battle between what we'd all like to do and what we unfortunately sometimes have to do. Big difference.

You see that's the thing I've come to realise about these sorts of concepts - the fact that they're often so ridiculously similar is what in reality, actually makes them so unimaginably different. 

I guess the 'traditional' way, (if I can call it that), that many of us think about these types of situations is sort of like a ying and yang context, a black and white picture, something very straightforward - I guess that it's not exactly inaccurate to call it a dual mind-like process, in which we're often motivated by temptations to please ourselves, and the other half of us has to try and then reinforce the factor of control to soften the blow and keep us on the apparently "straight and narrow" path of life we are constrained within. It's a case of the I'd versus the superego. Somehow, somewhere in our minds, these two forces seem to be constantly fighting it out in a 'winner takes all' battle for superiority and control over our behaviour, the impressions we give off and the attitudes to life that we have. This topic is so compelling simply because of how real it is and not to mention how easily it can be related to many aspects in anyone's everyday life. I mean, who hasn't had the experience of being in "two minds"? - the most obvious example, in my life anyway, is that all-too constant and frequently occurring nightmare of trying to drag myself out of bed in the morning. A struggle, needless to say, felt by each and every individual who knows the meaning of hard work. 

So why is self control so important? What is it about self control and this factor in particular that has such a big impact upon our lives? 

...

I don't think there's much debate that primarily, and perhaps above all, having some sort of self-control and adhering to this 'challenge' of staying on the straight and narrow is essential for success in both our personal and professional lives, no matter what these lives consist of. When I stop and think about some of the traits of some of the most successful people on this earth, or simply people I admire as individuals, their ability to restrain themselves from acting, speaking or simply 'being' a particularly unskilled way is undoubtedly pretty high on that 'good things to not do' list. 

So, the straight and narrow 'challenge' - tougher than it appears or in actuality, a fairly simple concept? Is it even a challenge at all? A question I apparently keep posing to myself as my life grows longer, and I grow up. 

When I sit down and think about the levels of self control we have to cultivate, it seems that it may just be one of the greatest challenges and relationships we face, that is to say, the relationship we have with ourself. It's safe to say that the act of self control has got me thinking rather intently about relationships in general. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all? Well, that's the one you have with yourself. 

Mould that relationship with yourself into something profitable and worthwhile, oh, and add that extra little something on top to make the you you love just that bit more sensational. Don't forget to fall in love with yourself first. 

Afterall, "if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous." - Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and The City. 

Stay in control and owe it to that relationship you have with yourself to firmly remain grounded on that straight and narrow path of life - you just never know what it's going to bring. 

L xo

enough is enough?

Readers,

There is no doubt that life is a risky little business. Everyday we find ourselves in circumstances, situations, places or events that can range from complicated to hilarious and devastating to bizarre...and not to mention the downright ridiculous.

I guess then, that it's not exactly wildly inaccurate to say that life produces some seriously misunderstood aspects. Life is a continually ongoing challenge and series of events that often leaves us mind-boggled, dazed and undoubtedly confused. Amazing, but yet so, so frustrating.

What's my point? - why is understanding things so hard? Why is understanding so many aspects of our day to day activity so darn complicated? I mean, we do this 'living' thing everyday, right? Common sense would tell us that we should be complete masters of daily life by now, right? It makes sense doesn't it? Oh, now just to clarify, I'm not talking here about not understanding things such as how to get out of bed in the morning or how to cut a slice of bread in half, no, no no. I'm talking about situations, events, feelings, emotions. Why are they often so difficult to understand?

If any of you hadn't gathered already, i'm talking about relationships, well I guess you could actually say love and relationships and by love, I mean the S word. No, not sex. Soul mate. That isn't to say, however, that this topic cannot be related to almost any aspect of our lives. 

...

Soul mate. Two little words, one big concept. When I think about it more and more, it seems that from the exact moment that light turns to green, we find ourselves in a constant search battle for 'the one', 'that guy', 'that special someone', without really understanding what it is we truly want or desire.

It's no longer enough to be happy with the friends and family that exist around us, we now need someone to enter a room with, support our decisions and play a part in our everyday conducts of life. 

"I want a gentleman who opens the door for me and when I'm cold, puts his jacket over my shoulder's" - the image of the knight in shining armour, the prince, the gentleman, the ideal man. There's no doubt that the reason so many of us still risk the ninety-nine percent certainty levels of a horrible first date is for the possible magic of a first kiss, but does this really provide us with an understanding of what we want? Is basing our hopes, prayers and wildest midnight fantasies upon a stereotype that in reality barely exists, the best thing to be idealising? It's safe to say I have my doubts..

In my experiences first dates have been far from fabulous. First date situations have continued to baffle me with what I'm looking for and how the hell I'm going to actually go about achieving the man that I apparently 'need' in my life. "Should I lower my standards?" I ask myself, "Is it me?" I constantly think to myself whilst lying in bed intricately analysing the step-by-step process of what happened a few hours prior to my night alone in which I'm no step closer to finding that guy. 

It's safe to say that the universe does not play fair. For some, it provides them with everything they could possibly want, right from the offset - like that girl in school whom everyone 'hated' on the surface, but secretly adored, idealised and had the most intense levels of jealously for behind closed doors. 

So, how can this S word (soul mates, in case any of you had forgotten), be so easily related to understanding?..I think it's a simple one really. When we think of a soul mate, we think of a shadowing of ourselves. We want someone that supports the decisions we make, the dreams we want to have as our reality and the ambitions and motivation we possess to become the 'right now'. 

As the years have went by I've watched some of my closet friends become more and more involved with that special someone, that special someone who provides them with all the satisfactory conditions and attachments a twenty something apparently wants, but without the tag of "this is a relationship". I'm sure many of you can relate - the best friend messages you with the news that they've matched with another guy on tinder (grindr for all you gays out there), and tells you how they're now having the best chat and are planning on meeting for some sort of rendezvous. All great on the surface, right? All seems swell, let's crack out that champagne and get the drinks flowing...reality check, this is far from the outcome. It seems that nevertheless time, after time, after time it's me that's left to pick up the pieces after that night of passion with breakfast in bed turns into a night of awkwardness with bitter coffee in the morning combined with some out of date orange juice. This relationship stuff and searching for that special person is tricky, do not underestimate it. Not to mention it requires excessive levels of motivation, energy, time and commitment. 

How then, do we know when to call an end to such situations? How do we know when to call an end to this constant torture we put ourselves through time and time again in our quest to find our soul mate? Lets be honest, it hardly take a genius to figure out that this requires understanding, and that understanding requires experience and a certain level of what I like to call strong willed principles. It turns out that understanding when exactly enough is enough, is a lot harder than how it appears written on the label. 

When we're young, our whole life is about the pursuit of fun. Then we grow up and learn the act of cautiousness and how our hearts can be broken if we fall in love with the wrong person and are not careful. We're told to look before we leap, which often results in many of us not leaping at all. Why? Well because no one is there to catch us if our decisions don't go to plan - the reality of life has no real safety net, sad, but as I said, the reality. When did life stop being fun and start being scary? Decisions and understanding is a scary concept. Brilliant and so fantastically freeing but at the same time undeniably scary. Yes, I'm saying that trying to understand when enough is enough can be scary.

In love relationships, I would say there is a fine line between pleasure and plain, in fact, it's a common belief for many that apparently, a relationship without pain, is not a relationship worth having - "it makes you stronger" they say, "oh yeah, you learn from being hurt" people tell themselves, but do we really?  To some, pain implies growth, but how do we know when the 'growing' pains are going to stop, in other words, the learning period, and the 'pain pains' are going to actually take over, that is to say, the harsh realities of heartbreak? Are we masochists or optimists if we continue to walk such a fine line between these two concepts? Is that what it's all about? - enjoying the apparent 'thrill' that comes with teetering so close to such a difference? When it comes to relationships, how do we know when enough is enough? When it comes to searching for that prince charming, how do we come to understand when enough is enough? Actually, wait. When it comes to anything, how do we know when enough is enough? It's a good question that proves all-too difficult to answer with any sense of simplicity, which thus sees society continuing their quest for the one, or the best this and the best that, albeit a quest that ends in self-inflicted torture. 

So we've come to realise that understanding and the idea of what we class to be 'enough' are seriously intertwined - if I'm honest, nothing has ever scared me so much as the idea of the relationship between two concepts. I've always said that never in our lives will we know someone as well as ourselves but know so little about at the same time. As the inhibitors of an apparently modern world, we like to think we know ourselves pretty damn well, but is this really the case? It seems to me that as long as we keep making the same mistakes in our quests for relationships and that special someone to take up the name with the S word, we will never really understand who we are and what it is we want. 

We talk of our "needs needing to be fulfilled" and god knows what else, but that's the thing about needs, we think we require them at certain times throughout our lives, but sometimes, all too often if you ask me, when we get them met, we don't actually need them anymore. 

So when is enough actually going to be enough? I don't think anyone will ever know the answer to such question, but one thing I do know? - life goes on and eventually, all the pieces will fall into place...and until then, laugh at the confusions, live for those moments that make you happy and believe in your heart that everything, yes, EVERYTHING happens for a reason. Surrounding yourself with good people and a good life should be 'enough'. Take some time to step back and look at what already exists - you'll maybe even realise how lucky you actually are. Trust me, this is coming from someone who knows exactly what they're talking about.

All of this constant searching, all of this constant obsessing over that guy you work with or who shares your office, all of this desperation and attempting to understand the fine art of dating, love, sex and soul mates has got to stop. Take time for yourself, do what makes you happy, stop that damn stressing, enjoy the ride and well, yeah, just go with it. 

It's all gonna work out - I promise.

Until next time and I hope this is enough. 

L xo 

the dreaded G word...

Goodbye. 

It's a simple word, but yet possibly one of the hardest of all to say. If you ask me, it's pretty damn fascinating.  

As I find myself having said goodbye to Stockholm and what was undoubtedly the most incredible year of my life, it's safe to say a feeling of sheer denial is definitely within me - it's surreal to think that the word goodbye has officially been said and the leaving process of what seemed to be a never ending period of enjoyment has been complete. 

Reality check right there - goodbye's suck. 

Picture this: you move to a new city, a new environment, a new way of life. You agree to spend a year of your life somewhere that you've never actually been to before and know nothing about (call me crazy). You agree to move into an apartment completely unfurnished in which you need to make your own as well as agree to take on the commitment of investing time, energy, strength (and not to mention a hell of of a lot of money) into an experience that could ultimately be an incredibly successful one or one that is not quite so. 

Got that picture in your head guys? Okay, good - because that was me a year ago. I know, right? A year..how did that happen? *pinching myself*. It really is hard to believe that this time 365 days ago I was living it up over the pond stateside combined with preparing those last minute details for coming back to Europe to embark upon my Stockholm adventure. It's safe to say that time has gone past too incomprehensibly quickly for me to accept and, well, needless to say, saying what would be classed as goodbye to the city of Stockholm, the people within it and my complete adoration for Sweden and their culture in general, was one of the toughest experiences I've encountered to date. But my question is, why? 

The dreaded G word...the dreaded word of goodbye, the dreaded feeling of facing the reality that something is over, the dreaded experience of putting to bed a period in your life or a circumstance or situation that has passed it's 'sell by date'. Now let's just clear something up right away -  goodbye's are horrible, ghastly things that are far too emotional and are in general, something we as a society (let's be honest here), like to avoid as much as possible. But yet nevertheless, they have to happen, and happen they do. So why is this? What makes this word goodbye carry such negative connotations? Is it the word itself? Or is it more the typically negative concepts and associations that spring to mind when we imagine a situation of what a goodbye will entail? 

It seems that when I step back and evaluate the recent experiences I've been lucky enough to have had, the past year has in actuality been what can only be described as a whirlwind of goodbye's and as depressing as that sounds, has bizarrely been the best year of my life. 

So how can a year of your life that consists of so many goodbyes be such a positively filled one? If you ask me it comes down to a case of how you deal with goodbye's - if you make them a huge, emotional, weight-filled problem then the reality will be just that - a huge, emotional, weight-filled problem. If there's one thing we're bad for in this day and age it's dramatisation - everything is dramatised, from the small insignificant aspects of our daily lives, to the bigger, more important picture. 

I've come to notice that people heavily underestimate just how hard saying goodbye is going to be, but what's truly ironic is that we have created the problem of how hard saying goodbye is ourselves. Yes, I'm saying that goodbye's are a man-made problem. I mean let's look at what happens when we say goodbye - when we say goodbye, we tell ourselves a story. We tell ourselves a story about how life is going to unfold after the literal goodbye takes place and so with this in mind, instantly assume the worst possible outcome is going to happen. "Oh I'll never be here again", "I can't believe this is the end", "We're never gonna stay in contact with each other", "The distance just isn't gonna work" - now these are just some of the sheer abundance of stories we falsify in our minds and assume are going to happen after the G word comes into action. Nevertheless, this isn't just a one way system - the same can be said for those that are at the receiving end of a goodbye - when they say goodbye, they tell themselves a story about another person's life, they tell themselves that they will never see this person in this particular place or environment again or that this person "will not want to see them" or will be "too busy to keep in touch" or whatever it may be. With this in mind, we see a continually negative pattern emerging, we see this swarming circular form of negativity attached to the word goodbye and it's aftermath. 

What strikes me is this - people go to work, school, university, college or whatever it may be almost every day of their lives, they gain so much knowledge, albeit some of it pointless, every day of their lives, they gain qualifications, life skills, hard doses of reality and so much more everyday of their lives, but yet when the cards are on the table, they can't cope with something as simple as a goodbye - something that really, if we step back and look at with a sense of rationality, is only a small curve in life's endlessly unpredictable and turbulent path. 

If you ask me, nothing has to be a goodbye in this apparently cosmopolitan world we inhibit today and if I'm honest, I don't really know why the word of goodbye receives such a 'hype'. Now I'm by no means saying here that I'm not an emotional person and I was not in tears when I was, for example, leaving Stockholm. I'll hold my hands up and admit that I certainly felt the strain when leaving, but one thing I never said? Goodbye. I refused to, in fact, I can remember having this conversation with so many people in the weeks running up to my departure as packing rates increased and the realisation that my year was coming to an end became the quick reality. It was never going to be a goodbye, it was going to be a see you later. 

One of my favourite disney movies when I was a child was Peter Pan, the story of a boy that simply never wanted to grow up, a story so simple yet so irresistibly compelling. When I look back now and watch such films again, they present to me a much stronger message beyond the fun-filled magic of fairytales, fictional characters, colours and animation - Peter Pan, or perhaps more accurately and rightfully so, Walt Disney, has taught us that we should "never say goodbye, because saying goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting". If goodbye's are so emotionally-fuelled with sadness and gut-wrenching heartache, then why do we have to say them? I feel many people are failing to realise a fundamental point - goodbye's are very much optional. 

We live in a world where our lives are interconnected like never before, we have the ability to communicate with the other side of the planet by the click of a button and be there ourselves via air travel in less than 24 hours - goodbye's are not necessary if you do not want them to be. 

Any of those who know me well will know my sheer adoration for J.K Rowling, who perhaps has produced my favourite quote of all time. "As is a tale, so is life. Not how long it is, but how good it is, is what matters." To anyone reading this, life is too short for goodbye's and our hearts and minds too sensitive. Turn a goodbye into a see you later and never look back. 

So, with that in mind, I shall stop here. I do hope, however, that this proved it's worth to someone, somewhere, out there. 

Much love and I won't say goodbye, I'll just say until we meet again.

L xo 

confessions of a twenty something.

Readers, 

As I find myself just having arrived back from a, shall we say, 'gay weekend' in the Danish capital of Copenhagen, combining this with a trip to Lund in southern Sweden, I thought what better time to do a new entry for you all!

As always ladies and gents', fasten those seat belts! Here. We. Go. 

So, 'confessions of a twenty something' you may be asking yourselves right about now. What's the relevance? What's the point? What am I trying to get at with this one? Well it's a simple one really, as I find myself coming to the end of the most incredible year in Stockholm, the academic year winding down for summer and above all, just back from what was the most hilarious and downright ridiculous weekend spent among the Danes, life, in short, is pretty damn sweet. It's making me realise the true beauty of being the age that I am - an age at which I'm old enough to be taken seriously in this world, but perhaps more importantly, an age where failure and not knowing your exact path is also acceptable. Conclusion? Being in your twenties is nothing less than exhilarating! 

What upsets me, however, is the extent to which many worry about their twenty something lifestyle far too much. It's almost as if when the nineteenth year passes and the twentieth birthday comes around, a sudden sense of panic, anxiety and 'shit I need to get my life together' sort of feeling takes over and therefore dominates many people's lives right through until their crowning thirtieth....if you ask me, this is the completely wrong mentality. 

Let's get it out there, being a twenty something is quite the conversation sparker, especially these days - we've been called everything from pre-adults and emerging adults to millennials and the defining decade, oh, and sometimes even the lost decade...talk about some serious labelling right?, but it doesn't stop there - we're apparently going to graduate during the worst economy the world has seen in years and to survive this, we need to be prepared to do nothing less than pull ourselves up by our bootstraps to recover what is apparently being lost in society as we know it today. We've been told that the majority of life's most significant events take place by the time we reach thirty-five and thus, have this intuitive sense that the foundations we lay now will apparently continue to carry us throughout our lives. Now as if this is not enough, being a twenty something also appears to dominate the internet world like it's some sort of sensation...we're seeing viral trends on Facebook and Twitter receiving obsessive levels of attention about the "20 Mistakes You Don't Want to Make as A 20 Something" and "20 Way's to Make it Through Your 20's". 

But why would anyone want to hurry things up and 'make it through' their 20s? 

...

So let's have a bit of a reality check here, because to be frank this mentality is, in my opinion, so far from being right. What if this is not what our twenties are for? What if this is not the purpose of being a twenty something? What if our twenties are for making mistakes, experiencing what life has to offer and above all, finding ourself and in other words, NOT establishing ourselves for the rest of our lives? My point? It's OKAY to not have a plan as a twenty something. It's OKAY not to have it all figured out and have every microscopic plan/detail in place. The truth is guys, we're all worried, we're all constantly planning ahead in our minds and panicking over the endless amount of possibilities that could happen and god knows what couldn't. Now i'm not saying it's not important to have  a rough outline and to start taking control of your own decisions and lifestyle throughout your twenties, however, there is a clear difference between the aforementioned and an absolute panicking state of mind right through what is supposed to be the 'best time of your life'. 

The reality is that this obsessive twenty something behaviour is unfortunately, not so uncommon. It's this that i'm trying to get at, it's this negative mindset and behaviour that seems to be representing the typical twenty something nowadays as we know it - a freaked out, panicking, worried ball of stress. Is this really how we want to remember our twenties when we look back? 

One thing is clear to me, us twenty somethings are constantly seen searching for answers on how to make sense of a life period that in reality, we're supposedly leading, albeit trying to. Oh the irony! Should we thus know the answers to every aspect of life as a twenty something? Is this what is expected of us? Well I sure as hell hope not because i'm nowhere close! Nevertheless, it seems that this is what we think should be the case. The reality? - quite the opposite. I too am part of such a generation. A generation of twenty somethings who has not got it all figured out, a generation that does mistakes, a generation in which failure and only a rough outline of a life plan is acceptable. Now yes, what one does in their twenties is of course important and i'm by no means saying it isn't. Many of us out there know exactly what they want and so spend little or not time beating about the bush in order to obtain it. If you're one of those people then that's fantastic! Holla at y'all! However, what i'm trying to say is that for those of you who are not so sure of your righteous path, DO NOT STRESS. Make more time for the smaller things in life and just go with the flow, life has a funny old way of working things out. I promise you that. If there's anything i've learned over this year it's that what's meant to be, will be. 

If any of you gorgeous people out there spend sleepless nights wondering whether or not you're on the brink of becoming the next big thing or, at the other end of the spectrum, find yourselves teetering dangerously close to spending the rest of your life in your parents' basement, read on. Below you will find a list of twenty things that, in my opinion anyway, forms some perfect advice/nerve settling information about making the most of your glamorous twenties. You only get them once guys, make them count! There really is nothing worse than regret. 

I see it like this, i'd rather look back at my life and say "I can't believe I did that" rather than say "I wish I did that". 

So with this in mind... 

1. Don't be afraid to jump at an opportunity. In our 20s, we all need to realise that we're  still early in our career and life, so we not only have less serious obligations, but we also aren't entrenched in our work and what we've built as our career. When an opportunity presents itself that seems unique, intriguing or interesting, then go for it! You truly never know where your experiences will lead you. 

2. Don't waste your time doing something you hate. Find a job or a course at university or whatever it may be that makes you excited to wake up in the morning. And with this in mind, if you can, save a little money! Having a little financial freedom will allow you more room to pursue your passions freely.

3. Stop complaining. You are ultimately responsible for your own happiness and success. If there is something you see wrong in the world, you can do something about it! Those that sit back and complain don't get very far, right?

4. Pick up the phone and make a cold call. Don't buy all this bullshit about what others say is the 'best option for you' - go after your own passions. Don't be afraid to make that cold call, speak up for something you believe in, or try something that scares you every now and then. Ask for what you want and you will get there a lot sooner than you think! There are no limits to what you can accomplish at such a prime time in your life.

5. Write down your non-negotiables. Our twenties are a time to be selfish and to figure ourselves out, what we like and more importantly what we are not willing to tolerate. Figuring out our non-negotiables is a must to happiness in the personal and professional areas of our life. Amen. 

6. Follow through. Set goals each month and meet them. Enough said. 

7. Be revolutionary. Don't be afraid to be radical in thought or action. This is your time so be in that state of mind. Throughout history, progress has been led by young folks who pushed the boundaries of 'acceptable'.

8. Do that 'thing' you're afraid of. If you're scared of heights, skydive. If you're scared of public speaking, make a speech. If you're scared of failure, do something you know you aren't good at. Facing small fears will make you a bolder and braver person in all other aspects of your life and thus those big scary decisions - moving to another country, quitting a job, starting a degree, won't seem so scary.

9. Be willing to embarrass yourself. The possibility for greatness and embarrassment both exist in the same space. If you're not willing to be embarrassed, you're not willing to be great. The biggest risk of our twenties would be never taking any risks at all - it's FUN to be embarrassed sometimes. It shows a strength of character and a sense of humour that is clearly in tact. Oh, and for the record, it can often result in unexpectedly good things appearing at your doorstep. Just saying... 

10. Accept failure.  Accept failure and welcome it as the stepping stone to success. When you win, be gracious, but when you fail, get back up and try harder next time. It's not going to kill you. I promise. 

11. Stop talking and start listening. I've come to see that many peoples default during their twenties can sometimes be to assume they know most of the answers. I'm terrible for this myself, not going to lie. Conclusion? Go into everything with a humble assumption that you can learn something from every single person in a room or situation, then listen first and ask questions later. 

12. Look ahead.  Dare to be intentional with your life, and to be real with yourself about what you think you may want in 10 years. It's okay to start planning, just don't let it dominate your life and become and endless journey of unending stress. 

13. Make time to stop and reflect. Reflecting will allow you to see the signs that the world is giving you about your purpose. Once you find that purpose, jump at every opportunity to live for that purpose - hold on tight by the way, it's going to be a bumpy ride!

14. Don't take yourself too seriously. I think the best way to make the most of this time in our lives is to not waste time being anxious. I'm only just entering my twenties and have already experienced so many new things both privately and professionally. I know that for me, i'm able to enjoy myself most when I don't let nerves get in the way. Most of the things I end up worrying about the most never even end up happening anyway! Let it go guys, just let it go. 

15. Discover your purpose.  Purpose is a fuel that's non-toxic to yourself and others. Find yours and own it. Word. 

16. Choose your friends wisely. Look around at the people who surround you. Are they using their time and talents wisely? Have they decided what and who they want to be in life? Are they good people? Do they support your choices, good or bad? Your circle of influence defines who you are.

17. Know that you're more than your job. There's a real sense of ruthlessness and a survival of the fittest idealisation among us today - we like to think we're indestructible and so throw ourselves in the fire and never really think we're going to get burnt. Well that's awkward, because we do. Instead, think about what makes you happy. We are more than our job and university career. We all just need to slow down, breathe, and take the time to realise that we can create our own happiness in life. 

18. Be honest.  Be honest with yourself, honest with your relationships, and honest with how you see yourself in society. This alone can create an unequivocal sense of freedom.

19. Realize that your 20s are going to fly by. No joke. We'll all be thirty before we know it. And when you wake up thirty, the only question will be whether you gave it your all in your twenties. Just go for it! You might fail, but at least you had the guts to try. If there's something you want to do, then just go and bloody do it! Don't waste time by waiting around. Yolo, right?

20. Don't rush. So many people in their 20s are in a hurry to get to where they want to be - graduated, established, promoted, in love and god knows what else. Our twenties are a time where it is ok to make mistakes as long as we learn from them. Don't be in a rush to be who you are going to be. Just enjoy being who you are.

I'll leave it there guys, below are some images of my latest shenanigans and well, I guess you can say just loving life as a twenty something! 

Spread the love guys and don't rush it.

Until next time.

L xo 

"people are too complicated to have simple labels."

Readers,

So basically i'm just gonna get straight down to business - no time like the present after all, right? 

*deep breath* 

The idea for this latest entry came about through quite a heated, nevertheless friendly (don't worry guys, there was no black eyes or broken bones!), debate with a friend of mine, and as I sit here on this Monday afternoon doing everything to avoid actually doing anything remotely uni related, now seemed like the perfect time for this post - a good old kickstart to the week! 

So anyway as I was saying, that heated debate my friend and I had a week or so back was basically, in a nutshell, all about stereotypes, assumptions and the associations we make throughout our daily lives. When I actually take the time to sit down and evaluate what was said, it's so true - in this world today, everything has a label. We label everything from fat to thin, black to white, rich to poor, ugly to beautiful, gay to straight, weird to normal and needless to say, that's just the start. I've come to realise that nothing can just 'be' what it is - my friend Calum and I used the example of Primark and the (lets be honest here), typically negative associations that come with such stores - be it the snobby impressions, the 'shitty' quality of the clothes or the specific 'people who shop in those kind of stores'. I think the controversial point underneath all of this information is honesty and ultimately, the way in which one voices their opinion with regards to a particular setting, situation or in the case of Primark, clothing store. 

By raising this topic i'm by no means saying i'm immune to doing any of this 'labelling' myself - in fact, as a person who values honesty, i'll hold my hands up and admit that i'm actually incredibly bad for doing it - i'm that controversial person who says that Primark is nothing but rubbish and that the only people it attracts are pregnant sixteen year-olds who already have three children to their name...

Now i'm well aware that what i've said above is incredibly snobby, stereotypical and for the most part, probably not true - but what's my point? It's a simple one really. WHY do we label things in such a way? WHY do we associate particular people or whatever it may be with a specific something? I mean let's just get this out there, picture this with me - you wouldn't exactly see a London millionaire shopping in a Primark store would you? Okay, maybe there is the odd one (lol), but typically speaking you wouldn't - now if you ask me, this isn't actually because the store is necessarily THAT bad, but more because of a discourse that has been created within our society - stemming across language, the associations we make, our dress sense, the way we 'come across' and well, yeah, almost every other aspect of our lives. The problem of labelling ladies and gentlemen, is a man made one. We have created this problem ourselves, and it's unfortunately not just obvious within the world of Primark. 

It has been said that "our lives improve only when we take chances and that the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves and those around us.” - However, for me, the extent to which this 'honesty' is beneficial can be seriously questioned. Is honesty, despite being an important attribute to uphold and maintain, always advantageous? When looking rationally at honesty, i've come to realise that it actually has an abundance of attached negativity. Now I know what many of you will be thinking, why or how can honesty possibly be bad? If any of you are like me you'll have been brought up to 'always tell the truth' and keep the idea of an honest state of mind within yourself in the hope that being honest in life, will result in good things coming your way. Now of course this is true and i'm by no means encouraging lying, but my point is more to try and highlight an incredibly overlooked problem - that problem guys and girls, is what i'm going to try and explain to you all, albeit from my own interpretations. Is the world ready for these interpretations? God knows! 

It's no surprise that the society we inhibit today has a clear series of unwritten and sometimes unspoken laws, rules and standards that it expects us to abide by without question - I like to think of them as a perceived set of standards and assumptions which through time and natural evolvement, have come to be 'the norm' without us thinking any different, pretty much what I was saying above. My point? - well it is this aspect of life, these standards, these rules and these expectations of what is deemed acceptable, good, bad or ugly that ultimately shapes, albeit haphazardly, the development of our youth and future generations.

From colours to activities, interests to dislikes, music to clothing, relationships to careers, an infinite number of unspoken stereotypes are all too present among the sexes and social classes in our apparently 'cosmopolitan' world today. 

Growing up in the UK, I began to notice that I wasn’t exactly like other boys my age. My interest in, for example, sports was pretty much non-existent. At school it appeared that athletics, rugby and football was deemed to be the unifying force amongst males and used to endlessly judge one’s 'manliness' in the classroom environment. Young, impressionable minds are often preconditioned to believe that any young boy who doesn’t like sports or the rough and tough exterior typically associated with them is one of two things - a 'sissy' or gay. Harsh? I'll say.   

I can always remember finding immense levels of enjoyment, fulfilment and a sheer fascination combined with absolute satisfaction among the world of creativity - the theatre, music, reading stories - in fact, my love for the arts was so strong that I found myself taking acting, singing and dancing (yes, me dancing, what a thought right?) lessons throughout my early years of high school - when I was once surely destined (in my own mind) to be the next Phantom of the Opera! Nevertheless, regardless of my talents or abilities, societal stereotypes continued to plague me. Artists, musicians, actors, anyone within the world of creativity are typically seen, viewed and classified as sensitive, emotional, and passionate individuals -  three adjectives that are apparently not associated with manliness. 

My young, male counterparts just didn’t know what to make of me, it was not that I received a ton of abuse for being a bit of an outsider (thankfully), it seemed the guys' just viewed me as the one that differed from the normal masculine mentality. When I think back, I spent much of junior school and high school avoiding, as we called it 'physical education' class (I just called it my personal version of hell), wherever and however I could - safe to say I was 'feeling sick' a lot throughout my school career *cough cough* and the funny thing? I always 'felt sick' during gym class....how convenient! 

For me, this is how it is, cards on the table - this ongoing struggle to fit within the confines of a very narrow-minded society leaves all too many individuals feeling incredibly insecure, anxious, and at times even depressed, at an age when really, they should be filled with innocence and joy with the ambition and determination at their back knowing they can be and aim for whatever they want in life.

I wish I could say that as i'm now older (and thankfully much wiser), my life is void of some of the same stereotypes I experienced throughout my youth, however, it appears that many of the men in my life that I know on a personal level continue to define themselves by macho-style behaviours, encompassing a lack of emotion, adoration for athletics, and unfortunately, a resistance to simply grow up and mature. And so the struggle for acceptance seems never-ending in a society dominated by the understanding that every man and every woman should abide by gender distinctions that apparently, we (the mass population) have 'created' for ourselves over time.

I recently came across a wonderful anonymous quote (I know, right? When am I not coming across a wonderful anonymous quote!) - "stereotypes are devices for saving a biased person the trouble of learning." In my opinion, the only reason for society’s evident stereotyping is to help those who are too cowardly to accept uniqueness, by providing them with an excuse to segregate, often bully and ultimately bring into the spotlight those who are different than to what they are, or to what they know to be normal. So many people, (myself included in this category) often spend years constantly trying to live up to gender, social class or whatever it may be stereotypes only to discover that in reality, this is not how populations should be defined. 

I always say that i'm an honest person, or at least I try to be as much as possible throughout my life. I view honesty as an essential attribute and with this in mind, i'm therefore not ashamed in the slightest to whole heartedly admit that yes, I am a guy who’s not afraid to cry when emotions sometimes weigh me down and I view social contact such as hugs and affection as more expressions of love and appreciation, not of a link to sexual preference. 

Shouldn't it be the mentality that everyone is unique in this world and those differences should be revered, not ignored? I mean lets face it, if we were all the same the world would be a damn right boring place, right? At the end of my life, I don’t want to be remembered as someone who tried endlessly to blend in with the crowd, does anyone? I mean really? I want to be remembered for being me, and so should each and everyone of YOU guys out there too. 

So shop wherever you want, Prada or Primark, be the person you want to be and break the mould in life - but moral of the story? Let people be and put to bed those downright ignorant labels! 

With that, i'll leave it there and i'll try to be less of a labelling person myself. It's safe to say i've had the ultimate realisation.  

Until next time and as always, it's a pleasure. 

Much love!

L xo