There is no doubt that life is a risky little business. Everyday we find ourselves in circumstances, situations, places or events that can range from complicated to hilarious and devastating to bizarre...and not to mention the downright ridiculous.
I guess then, that it's not exactly wildly inaccurate to say that life produces some seriously misunderstood aspects. Life is a continually ongoing challenge and series of events that often leaves us mind-boggled, dazed and undoubtedly confused. Amazing, but yet so, so frustrating.
What's my point? - why is understanding things so hard? Why is understanding so many aspects of our day to day activity so darn complicated? I mean, we do this 'living' thing everyday, right? Common sense would tell us that we should be complete masters of daily life by now, right? It makes sense doesn't it? Oh, now just to clarify, I'm not talking here about not understanding things such as how to get out of bed in the morning or how to cut a slice of bread in half, no, no no. I'm talking about situations, events, feelings, emotions. Why are they often so difficult to understand?
If any of you hadn't gathered already, i'm talking about relationships, well I guess you could actually say love and relationships and by love, I mean the S word. No, not sex. Soul mate. That isn't to say, however, that this topic cannot be related to almost any aspect of our lives.
...
Soul mate. Two little words, one big concept. When I think about it more and more, it seems that from the exact moment that light turns to green, we find ourselves in a constant search battle for 'the one', 'that guy', 'that special someone', without really understanding what it is we truly want or desire.
It's no longer enough to be happy with the friends and family that exist around us, we now need someone to enter a room with, support our decisions and play a part in our everyday conducts of life.
"I want a gentleman who opens the door for me and when I'm cold, puts his jacket over my shoulder's" - the image of the knight in shining armour, the prince, the gentleman, the ideal man. There's no doubt that the reason so many of us still risk the ninety-nine percent certainty levels of a horrible first date is for the possible magic of a first kiss, but does this really provide us with an understanding of what we want? Is basing our hopes, prayers and wildest midnight fantasies upon a stereotype that in reality barely exists, the best thing to be idealising? It's safe to say I have my doubts..
In my experiences first dates have been far from fabulous. First date situations have continued to baffle me with what I'm looking for and how the hell I'm going to actually go about achieving the man that I apparently 'need' in my life. "Should I lower my standards?" I ask myself, "Is it me?" I constantly think to myself whilst lying in bed intricately analysing the step-by-step process of what happened a few hours prior to my night alone in which I'm no step closer to finding that guy.
It's safe to say that the universe does not play fair. For some, it provides them with everything they could possibly want, right from the offset - like that girl in school whom everyone 'hated' on the surface, but secretly adored, idealised and had the most intense levels of jealously for behind closed doors.
So, how can this S word (soul mates, in case any of you had forgotten), be so easily related to understanding?..I think it's a simple one really. When we think of a soul mate, we think of a shadowing of ourselves. We want someone that supports the decisions we make, the dreams we want to have as our reality and the ambitions and motivation we possess to become the 'right now'.
As the years have went by I've watched some of my closet friends become more and more involved with that special someone, that special someone who provides them with all the satisfactory conditions and attachments a twenty something apparently wants, but without the tag of "this is a relationship". I'm sure many of you can relate - the best friend messages you with the news that they've matched with another guy on tinder (grindr for all you gays out there), and tells you how they're now having the best chat and are planning on meeting for some sort of rendezvous. All great on the surface, right? All seems swell, let's crack out that champagne and get the drinks flowing...reality check, this is far from the outcome. It seems that nevertheless time, after time, after time it's me that's left to pick up the pieces after that night of passion with breakfast in bed turns into a night of awkwardness with bitter coffee in the morning combined with some out of date orange juice. This relationship stuff and searching for that special person is tricky, do not underestimate it. Not to mention it requires excessive levels of motivation, energy, time and commitment.
How then, do we know when to call an end to such situations? How do we know when to call an end to this constant torture we put ourselves through time and time again in our quest to find our soul mate? Lets be honest, it hardly take a genius to figure out that this requires understanding, and that understanding requires experience and a certain level of what I like to call strong willed principles. It turns out that understanding when exactly enough is enough, is a lot harder than how it appears written on the label.
When we're young, our whole life is about the pursuit of fun. Then we grow up and learn the act of cautiousness and how our hearts can be broken if we fall in love with the wrong person and are not careful. We're told to look before we leap, which often results in many of us not leaping at all. Why? Well because no one is there to catch us if our decisions don't go to plan - the reality of life has no real safety net, sad, but as I said, the reality. When did life stop being fun and start being scary? Decisions and understanding is a scary concept. Brilliant and so fantastically freeing but at the same time undeniably scary. Yes, I'm saying that trying to understand when enough is enough can be scary.
In love relationships, I would say there is a fine line between pleasure and plain, in fact, it's a common belief for many that apparently, a relationship without pain, is not a relationship worth having - "it makes you stronger" they say, "oh yeah, you learn from being hurt" people tell themselves, but do we really? To some, pain implies growth, but how do we know when the 'growing' pains are going to stop, in other words, the learning period, and the 'pain pains' are going to actually take over, that is to say, the harsh realities of heartbreak? Are we masochists or optimists if we continue to walk such a fine line between these two concepts? Is that what it's all about? - enjoying the apparent 'thrill' that comes with teetering so close to such a difference? When it comes to relationships, how do we know when enough is enough? When it comes to searching for that prince charming, how do we come to understand when enough is enough? Actually, wait. When it comes to anything, how do we know when enough is enough? It's a good question that proves all-too difficult to answer with any sense of simplicity, which thus sees society continuing their quest for the one, or the best this and the best that, albeit a quest that ends in self-inflicted torture.
So we've come to realise that understanding and the idea of what we class to be 'enough' are seriously intertwined - if I'm honest, nothing has ever scared me so much as the idea of the relationship between two concepts. I've always said that never in our lives will we know someone as well as ourselves but know so little about at the same time. As the inhibitors of an apparently modern world, we like to think we know ourselves pretty damn well, but is this really the case? It seems to me that as long as we keep making the same mistakes in our quests for relationships and that special someone to take up the name with the S word, we will never really understand who we are and what it is we want.
We talk of our "needs needing to be fulfilled" and god knows what else, but that's the thing about needs, we think we require them at certain times throughout our lives, but sometimes, all too often if you ask me, when we get them met, we don't actually need them anymore.
So when is enough actually going to be enough? I don't think anyone will ever know the answer to such question, but one thing I do know? - life goes on and eventually, all the pieces will fall into place...and until then, laugh at the confusions, live for those moments that make you happy and believe in your heart that everything, yes, EVERYTHING happens for a reason. Surrounding yourself with good people and a good life should be 'enough'. Take some time to step back and look at what already exists - you'll maybe even realise how lucky you actually are. Trust me, this is coming from someone who knows exactly what they're talking about.
All of this constant searching, all of this constant obsessing over that guy you work with or who shares your office, all of this desperation and attempting to understand the fine art of dating, love, sex and soul mates has got to stop. Take time for yourself, do what makes you happy, stop that damn stressing, enjoy the ride and well, yeah, just go with it.
It's all gonna work out - I promise.
Until next time and I hope this is enough.
L xo
I guess then, that it's not exactly wildly inaccurate to say that life produces some seriously misunderstood aspects. Life is a continually ongoing challenge and series of events that often leaves us mind-boggled, dazed and undoubtedly confused. Amazing, but yet so, so frustrating.
What's my point? - why is understanding things so hard? Why is understanding so many aspects of our day to day activity so darn complicated? I mean, we do this 'living' thing everyday, right? Common sense would tell us that we should be complete masters of daily life by now, right? It makes sense doesn't it? Oh, now just to clarify, I'm not talking here about not understanding things such as how to get out of bed in the morning or how to cut a slice of bread in half, no, no no. I'm talking about situations, events, feelings, emotions. Why are they often so difficult to understand?
If any of you hadn't gathered already, i'm talking about relationships, well I guess you could actually say love and relationships and by love, I mean the S word. No, not sex. Soul mate. That isn't to say, however, that this topic cannot be related to almost any aspect of our lives.
...
Soul mate. Two little words, one big concept. When I think about it more and more, it seems that from the exact moment that light turns to green, we find ourselves in a constant search battle for 'the one', 'that guy', 'that special someone', without really understanding what it is we truly want or desire.
It's no longer enough to be happy with the friends and family that exist around us, we now need someone to enter a room with, support our decisions and play a part in our everyday conducts of life.
"I want a gentleman who opens the door for me and when I'm cold, puts his jacket over my shoulder's" - the image of the knight in shining armour, the prince, the gentleman, the ideal man. There's no doubt that the reason so many of us still risk the ninety-nine percent certainty levels of a horrible first date is for the possible magic of a first kiss, but does this really provide us with an understanding of what we want? Is basing our hopes, prayers and wildest midnight fantasies upon a stereotype that in reality barely exists, the best thing to be idealising? It's safe to say I have my doubts..
In my experiences first dates have been far from fabulous. First date situations have continued to baffle me with what I'm looking for and how the hell I'm going to actually go about achieving the man that I apparently 'need' in my life. "Should I lower my standards?" I ask myself, "Is it me?" I constantly think to myself whilst lying in bed intricately analysing the step-by-step process of what happened a few hours prior to my night alone in which I'm no step closer to finding that guy.
It's safe to say that the universe does not play fair. For some, it provides them with everything they could possibly want, right from the offset - like that girl in school whom everyone 'hated' on the surface, but secretly adored, idealised and had the most intense levels of jealously for behind closed doors.
So, how can this S word (soul mates, in case any of you had forgotten), be so easily related to understanding?..I think it's a simple one really. When we think of a soul mate, we think of a shadowing of ourselves. We want someone that supports the decisions we make, the dreams we want to have as our reality and the ambitions and motivation we possess to become the 'right now'.
As the years have went by I've watched some of my closet friends become more and more involved with that special someone, that special someone who provides them with all the satisfactory conditions and attachments a twenty something apparently wants, but without the tag of "this is a relationship". I'm sure many of you can relate - the best friend messages you with the news that they've matched with another guy on tinder (grindr for all you gays out there), and tells you how they're now having the best chat and are planning on meeting for some sort of rendezvous. All great on the surface, right? All seems swell, let's crack out that champagne and get the drinks flowing...reality check, this is far from the outcome. It seems that nevertheless time, after time, after time it's me that's left to pick up the pieces after that night of passion with breakfast in bed turns into a night of awkwardness with bitter coffee in the morning combined with some out of date orange juice. This relationship stuff and searching for that special person is tricky, do not underestimate it. Not to mention it requires excessive levels of motivation, energy, time and commitment.
How then, do we know when to call an end to such situations? How do we know when to call an end to this constant torture we put ourselves through time and time again in our quest to find our soul mate? Lets be honest, it hardly take a genius to figure out that this requires understanding, and that understanding requires experience and a certain level of what I like to call strong willed principles. It turns out that understanding when exactly enough is enough, is a lot harder than how it appears written on the label.
When we're young, our whole life is about the pursuit of fun. Then we grow up and learn the act of cautiousness and how our hearts can be broken if we fall in love with the wrong person and are not careful. We're told to look before we leap, which often results in many of us not leaping at all. Why? Well because no one is there to catch us if our decisions don't go to plan - the reality of life has no real safety net, sad, but as I said, the reality. When did life stop being fun and start being scary? Decisions and understanding is a scary concept. Brilliant and so fantastically freeing but at the same time undeniably scary. Yes, I'm saying that trying to understand when enough is enough can be scary.
In love relationships, I would say there is a fine line between pleasure and plain, in fact, it's a common belief for many that apparently, a relationship without pain, is not a relationship worth having - "it makes you stronger" they say, "oh yeah, you learn from being hurt" people tell themselves, but do we really? To some, pain implies growth, but how do we know when the 'growing' pains are going to stop, in other words, the learning period, and the 'pain pains' are going to actually take over, that is to say, the harsh realities of heartbreak? Are we masochists or optimists if we continue to walk such a fine line between these two concepts? Is that what it's all about? - enjoying the apparent 'thrill' that comes with teetering so close to such a difference? When it comes to relationships, how do we know when enough is enough? When it comes to searching for that prince charming, how do we come to understand when enough is enough? Actually, wait. When it comes to anything, how do we know when enough is enough? It's a good question that proves all-too difficult to answer with any sense of simplicity, which thus sees society continuing their quest for the one, or the best this and the best that, albeit a quest that ends in self-inflicted torture.
So we've come to realise that understanding and the idea of what we class to be 'enough' are seriously intertwined - if I'm honest, nothing has ever scared me so much as the idea of the relationship between two concepts. I've always said that never in our lives will we know someone as well as ourselves but know so little about at the same time. As the inhibitors of an apparently modern world, we like to think we know ourselves pretty damn well, but is this really the case? It seems to me that as long as we keep making the same mistakes in our quests for relationships and that special someone to take up the name with the S word, we will never really understand who we are and what it is we want.
We talk of our "needs needing to be fulfilled" and god knows what else, but that's the thing about needs, we think we require them at certain times throughout our lives, but sometimes, all too often if you ask me, when we get them met, we don't actually need them anymore.
So when is enough actually going to be enough? I don't think anyone will ever know the answer to such question, but one thing I do know? - life goes on and eventually, all the pieces will fall into place...and until then, laugh at the confusions, live for those moments that make you happy and believe in your heart that everything, yes, EVERYTHING happens for a reason. Surrounding yourself with good people and a good life should be 'enough'. Take some time to step back and look at what already exists - you'll maybe even realise how lucky you actually are. Trust me, this is coming from someone who knows exactly what they're talking about.
All of this constant searching, all of this constant obsessing over that guy you work with or who shares your office, all of this desperation and attempting to understand the fine art of dating, love, sex and soul mates has got to stop. Take time for yourself, do what makes you happy, stop that damn stressing, enjoy the ride and well, yeah, just go with it.
It's all gonna work out - I promise.
Until next time and I hope this is enough.
L xo
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