all you need is sex?

Good morning my spring chickens!

...

 I feel I can officially say such things now that spring definitely appears to have arrived, don't you just love it? The longer days, brighter mornings, warmer weather and more to the point, generally happier people! The start of spring truly does put a smile on everyone's face. Arghh, I just love it! 

For those of you who don't share the same levels of excitement and are wondering as to why i'm making such a big deal of longer days and brighter mornings, try spending a winter in Sweden - where sunlight is a thing that basically doesn't exist from October till February - it will change your mind in an instant and thus, answer all those questioning thoughts about my levels of excitement. Go figure. 

Nevertheless, back to my latest post for you all this Sunday afternoon. I know what many of you are thinking, two entries in the space of a week, who do I think I am, right? Well hey, at least you guys can say i'm dedicated! More to the point, there is a clear reason for my entry today - even if it is just thoughts in my own little head. Let's see how it goes and where this post takes us - fasten those seat belts my darlings! 

So this weekend saw me going to the opening/premiere (or whatever you want to call it) of a new gay club in Stockholm called Wonk..I know right, the name is seriously questionable and, if i'm honest a lot of things about the club itself were too - now by this i'm not referring to the place itself, I actually had a great night, i'm referring to what seemed like a bunch of sex and image-obsessed people who clearly had one thing, and one thing only on their minds..

Now lets not kid ourselves, for the majority of us students these days, sex seems to be the hot topic in at least one of our daily conversations, it's totally normal - all those raging hormones and other shenanigans make it impossible not to at least touch upon the subject once or twice, whether it's friends talking about exactly what 'went down' with that ridiculously hot guy last night, or be it people just wallowing about the lack of sex in their lives whilst eating an entire tub of Ben and Jerry's...awkward. Anyhow, yes, if you ask me it seems that today it really is all about sex - I mean come on, at least give some people a glimmer of hope - for those out there who have yet to actually pop their cherry, it must feel like their virginity is constantly slapping them in the face! (figuratively, of course), because it literally is all we talk about!

Anyway, back to Friday night, after a hectic 'getting ready' process and heading into town around 2.30am to Wonk for what was certainly an unplanned evening, two main things struck me upon entering this place. Firstly, everyone had clearly spent far too long perfecting their appearance. Despite my all-too drunken state (story of my life), I can remember feeling so intimidated by far too many of the inhabitants in this place - I mean i'm all for looking your best and making an effort, but there comes a point where it's exhausting. So yeah, like I was saying, it's safe to say I felt a tad shitty with regards to my appearance on Friday, however, upon reflection, it seems that the more I think about these people that apparently increased my insecurity levels, I start to see them more as nothing less than walking insecurity beacons, slaves to the perceived judgment of others, trapped within a self-perpetuating circle of crushing status anxiety. I'd still secretly like to be and look like them, of course, I mean who wouldn't? (anyone that says they wouldn't is lying to the universe and themselves), but at least these days I can temporarily erect a veneer of defensive, sneering superiority. I've progressed that far.

The second thing that struck me was frightening - almost every single person I came across in this club were photographing themselves. In fact, that's all they seemed to be doing - standing around in expensive clothes, snapping away with phones and cameras,  one pose after another, as though they needed to prove their own existence, right there, in the moment. Crucially, this seemed to be the reason they were there in the first place - there was actually very little dancing for many, just some good old pouting and flashbulbs! Now come on, surely this is a new development - clubs have always been full of spontaneity, fun, excitement and that 'in the moment' feeling of sheer lusciousness! I can't remember even a few months back clubbers documenting their every moment the way they seem to do now - at least not to this demanded extent (I blame it all on Instagram!) Now I can't exactly sit here and preach, I do it too. Like it or not, we all do. It's clearly not enough to appreciate that we're having fun in a club anymore - we've now got to document every moment of this 'fun' onto our Instagram, Facebook, Flickr, Tumblr, or whatever it may be accounts'. Nights out have turned into an unending exhibition in which a million insecure, try-too-hard individuals attempt to out-cool each other and look the best they possibly can.

Now, back to my point. All of this effort, all of this obsessive behaviour combined with constant preening and perfecting was for one thing, and one thing only. We all know what it is, the individuals themselves knew what it was, and, needless to say, they were out with the absolute desire to achieve it. Sex.

"Go for it Lyle, he's looking at you", my friends kept saying to me on Friday. "Don't you wanna get laid tonight? Are you not just like, really in the mood?" I kept hearing - if this is the only way you can find a partner these days then it's safe to say that i've lost all hope in the world we live in - jigging about like a desperate animal in the hope that someone will notice you across a dance floor and instantly want to jump into your pants..the romance is killing me..

Can't I just go out and have fun with my friends, get drunk and forget about my day to day worries and stresses? Apparently not...

Just to clarify one thing here by the way, i'm in no way saying i'm against one night stands and that they shouldn't happen - since coming to Stockholm, i've had my fair share of them myself and yeah, they've been fun. My point is that surely this isn't the only way forward nowadays? Surely there must come a point where you simply can't be bothered with them anymore, right? Well, honestly? I think i'm most definitely at that point.

I'm starting to ask myself the same question over and over when I see 'one nighters' take place - isn't it a lot of hard work for very little reward? I mean let's break this down, seven hours of hopping around in a hellish, uncomfortable outfit, sweating like a pig in a butchers shop in exchange for what? - sharing some interesting pelvic thrusts and grinds with someone, mixed in with a bit of good old tongue-tennis in the middle of a dance floor, which inevitably leads to so much more once into full swing. The result? This person will be the one who'll snore and dribble onto your pillow till around 11 o'clock the next morning, before waking up beside you with their hair in a mess, blinking like a dizzy cat, reeking of alcohol combined with that morning-after McDonald's breath. 

Really? I mean like, really?

...

As much as these things are hilarious to talk about the morning after and create those all-time legendary memories that go down in history between friends, the reality is, if you ask me, actually quite sad. Call me old-fashioned, but what happened to sex with a meaning, sex with a purpose, sex that consists of two people madly in love wanting to share such an experience together? Like I said, i'm in the fortunate position to be sexually experienced enough for my liking, not a virgin and admittedly, like the majority of us, had those 'one night' situations a good few times that like I say, were for sure fun at the time. I think it's for this reason I feel comfortable enough to one, raise such a subject and two, pick out the flaws that are rapidly developing within the so called world of sex.

It seems, however, that what people thrive on today, especially amongst the younger generations, is sex, or should I say, meaningless sex. We see more and more that it's relationships, meaning and any sort of emotion that are being pushed to one side and replaced by a sheer ruthless, competitive and almost animalistic side within the world of sex. Intercourse is becoming an achievement, an art, something that people feel they have 'mastered', dictated by numbers or lists of people in which they have 'been with' over a given time.

If you ask me, I don't fully know how I feel about it. Do any of you? 

Needless to say, I do know one thing, for me anyway, the time has come for more. Whether this 'more' will become the reality will tell over time. 

So, is it all you need is love? Or more a case of all you need is sex in today's market? I'll leave you with that question.  

Spread the love and stay safe guys! 

Speak soon. 

L xo