the straight and narrow 'challenge' ?

Readers,

Self control is a relatively simple, yet priceless value. Self control is a highly motivated act of, emm, well I guess you could say just generally getting, or perhaps maintaining (in that case, having), your shit together. 

Think about the last time you were tempted to do something that really, you shouldn't do or otherwise generally wouldn't do when you're feeling at your normal best - skipping that evening gym session, eating a bar of chocolate at 1am because you can't sleep, staying up that extra hour knowing you've got an early start ahead of you. If you actually take a second to stop and put things into a realistic context, it appears that everyday of our lives, albeit a few exceptions, we find ourselves in quite the tricksy situation - the situation of routines, and more accurately perhaps, the idea of maintaining such routines in order to feel we have at least some sort of control over certain aspects in our lives. We are constantly challenged to keep up with the 'fast paced' life so many of us seem to lead, constantly challenged with the factor of commitment and the consequences if such commitments are broken, constantly challenged to adhere to the 'do's and don'ts' of typical modern living. Life, needless to say, is exhausting. 

There's a line in a song that perfectly summarises what I'm trying to say. The line is this - "you shoot across the sky like a broken arrow, but it's so hard to keep yourself on the straight and narrow." 

So let's stop for a second and translate the aforementioned into a more straightforward perspective. So, in this case, it seems that we're all shooting across the sky at a million miles an hour in so many different directions, in other words, we're all doing our thing, whatever that 'thing' may be - career, school, college - you name it, we're doing it, but nevertheless, along the way on this so-called 'shooting' path we apparently lead, we at some point inevitably face a constant battle between what we'd all like to do and what we unfortunately sometimes have to do. Big difference.

You see that's the thing I've come to realise about these sorts of concepts - the fact that they're often so ridiculously similar is what in reality, actually makes them so unimaginably different. 

I guess the 'traditional' way, (if I can call it that), that many of us think about these types of situations is sort of like a ying and yang context, a black and white picture, something very straightforward - I guess that it's not exactly inaccurate to call it a dual mind-like process, in which we're often motivated by temptations to please ourselves, and the other half of us has to try and then reinforce the factor of control to soften the blow and keep us on the apparently "straight and narrow" path of life we are constrained within. It's a case of the I'd versus the superego. Somehow, somewhere in our minds, these two forces seem to be constantly fighting it out in a 'winner takes all' battle for superiority and control over our behaviour, the impressions we give off and the attitudes to life that we have. This topic is so compelling simply because of how real it is and not to mention how easily it can be related to many aspects in anyone's everyday life. I mean, who hasn't had the experience of being in "two minds"? - the most obvious example, in my life anyway, is that all-too constant and frequently occurring nightmare of trying to drag myself out of bed in the morning. A struggle, needless to say, felt by each and every individual who knows the meaning of hard work. 

So why is self control so important? What is it about self control and this factor in particular that has such a big impact upon our lives? 

...

I don't think there's much debate that primarily, and perhaps above all, having some sort of self-control and adhering to this 'challenge' of staying on the straight and narrow is essential for success in both our personal and professional lives, no matter what these lives consist of. When I stop and think about some of the traits of some of the most successful people on this earth, or simply people I admire as individuals, their ability to restrain themselves from acting, speaking or simply 'being' a particularly unskilled way is undoubtedly pretty high on that 'good things to not do' list. 

So, the straight and narrow 'challenge' - tougher than it appears or in actuality, a fairly simple concept? Is it even a challenge at all? A question I apparently keep posing to myself as my life grows longer, and I grow up. 

When I sit down and think about the levels of self control we have to cultivate, it seems that it may just be one of the greatest challenges and relationships we face, that is to say, the relationship we have with ourself. It's safe to say that the act of self control has got me thinking rather intently about relationships in general. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all? Well, that's the one you have with yourself. 

Mould that relationship with yourself into something profitable and worthwhile, oh, and add that extra little something on top to make the you you love just that bit more sensational. Don't forget to fall in love with yourself first. 

Afterall, "if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous." - Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and The City. 

Stay in control and owe it to that relationship you have with yourself to firmly remain grounded on that straight and narrow path of life - you just never know what it's going to bring. 

L xo

enough is enough?

Readers,

There is no doubt that life is a risky little business. Everyday we find ourselves in circumstances, situations, places or events that can range from complicated to hilarious and devastating to bizarre...and not to mention the downright ridiculous.

I guess then, that it's not exactly wildly inaccurate to say that life produces some seriously misunderstood aspects. Life is a continually ongoing challenge and series of events that often leaves us mind-boggled, dazed and undoubtedly confused. Amazing, but yet so, so frustrating.

What's my point? - why is understanding things so hard? Why is understanding so many aspects of our day to day activity so darn complicated? I mean, we do this 'living' thing everyday, right? Common sense would tell us that we should be complete masters of daily life by now, right? It makes sense doesn't it? Oh, now just to clarify, I'm not talking here about not understanding things such as how to get out of bed in the morning or how to cut a slice of bread in half, no, no no. I'm talking about situations, events, feelings, emotions. Why are they often so difficult to understand?

If any of you hadn't gathered already, i'm talking about relationships, well I guess you could actually say love and relationships and by love, I mean the S word. No, not sex. Soul mate. That isn't to say, however, that this topic cannot be related to almost any aspect of our lives. 

...

Soul mate. Two little words, one big concept. When I think about it more and more, it seems that from the exact moment that light turns to green, we find ourselves in a constant search battle for 'the one', 'that guy', 'that special someone', without really understanding what it is we truly want or desire.

It's no longer enough to be happy with the friends and family that exist around us, we now need someone to enter a room with, support our decisions and play a part in our everyday conducts of life. 

"I want a gentleman who opens the door for me and when I'm cold, puts his jacket over my shoulder's" - the image of the knight in shining armour, the prince, the gentleman, the ideal man. There's no doubt that the reason so many of us still risk the ninety-nine percent certainty levels of a horrible first date is for the possible magic of a first kiss, but does this really provide us with an understanding of what we want? Is basing our hopes, prayers and wildest midnight fantasies upon a stereotype that in reality barely exists, the best thing to be idealising? It's safe to say I have my doubts..

In my experiences first dates have been far from fabulous. First date situations have continued to baffle me with what I'm looking for and how the hell I'm going to actually go about achieving the man that I apparently 'need' in my life. "Should I lower my standards?" I ask myself, "Is it me?" I constantly think to myself whilst lying in bed intricately analysing the step-by-step process of what happened a few hours prior to my night alone in which I'm no step closer to finding that guy. 

It's safe to say that the universe does not play fair. For some, it provides them with everything they could possibly want, right from the offset - like that girl in school whom everyone 'hated' on the surface, but secretly adored, idealised and had the most intense levels of jealously for behind closed doors. 

So, how can this S word (soul mates, in case any of you had forgotten), be so easily related to understanding?..I think it's a simple one really. When we think of a soul mate, we think of a shadowing of ourselves. We want someone that supports the decisions we make, the dreams we want to have as our reality and the ambitions and motivation we possess to become the 'right now'. 

As the years have went by I've watched some of my closet friends become more and more involved with that special someone, that special someone who provides them with all the satisfactory conditions and attachments a twenty something apparently wants, but without the tag of "this is a relationship". I'm sure many of you can relate - the best friend messages you with the news that they've matched with another guy on tinder (grindr for all you gays out there), and tells you how they're now having the best chat and are planning on meeting for some sort of rendezvous. All great on the surface, right? All seems swell, let's crack out that champagne and get the drinks flowing...reality check, this is far from the outcome. It seems that nevertheless time, after time, after time it's me that's left to pick up the pieces after that night of passion with breakfast in bed turns into a night of awkwardness with bitter coffee in the morning combined with some out of date orange juice. This relationship stuff and searching for that special person is tricky, do not underestimate it. Not to mention it requires excessive levels of motivation, energy, time and commitment. 

How then, do we know when to call an end to such situations? How do we know when to call an end to this constant torture we put ourselves through time and time again in our quest to find our soul mate? Lets be honest, it hardly take a genius to figure out that this requires understanding, and that understanding requires experience and a certain level of what I like to call strong willed principles. It turns out that understanding when exactly enough is enough, is a lot harder than how it appears written on the label. 

When we're young, our whole life is about the pursuit of fun. Then we grow up and learn the act of cautiousness and how our hearts can be broken if we fall in love with the wrong person and are not careful. We're told to look before we leap, which often results in many of us not leaping at all. Why? Well because no one is there to catch us if our decisions don't go to plan - the reality of life has no real safety net, sad, but as I said, the reality. When did life stop being fun and start being scary? Decisions and understanding is a scary concept. Brilliant and so fantastically freeing but at the same time undeniably scary. Yes, I'm saying that trying to understand when enough is enough can be scary.

In love relationships, I would say there is a fine line between pleasure and plain, in fact, it's a common belief for many that apparently, a relationship without pain, is not a relationship worth having - "it makes you stronger" they say, "oh yeah, you learn from being hurt" people tell themselves, but do we really?  To some, pain implies growth, but how do we know when the 'growing' pains are going to stop, in other words, the learning period, and the 'pain pains' are going to actually take over, that is to say, the harsh realities of heartbreak? Are we masochists or optimists if we continue to walk such a fine line between these two concepts? Is that what it's all about? - enjoying the apparent 'thrill' that comes with teetering so close to such a difference? When it comes to relationships, how do we know when enough is enough? When it comes to searching for that prince charming, how do we come to understand when enough is enough? Actually, wait. When it comes to anything, how do we know when enough is enough? It's a good question that proves all-too difficult to answer with any sense of simplicity, which thus sees society continuing their quest for the one, or the best this and the best that, albeit a quest that ends in self-inflicted torture. 

So we've come to realise that understanding and the idea of what we class to be 'enough' are seriously intertwined - if I'm honest, nothing has ever scared me so much as the idea of the relationship between two concepts. I've always said that never in our lives will we know someone as well as ourselves but know so little about at the same time. As the inhibitors of an apparently modern world, we like to think we know ourselves pretty damn well, but is this really the case? It seems to me that as long as we keep making the same mistakes in our quests for relationships and that special someone to take up the name with the S word, we will never really understand who we are and what it is we want. 

We talk of our "needs needing to be fulfilled" and god knows what else, but that's the thing about needs, we think we require them at certain times throughout our lives, but sometimes, all too often if you ask me, when we get them met, we don't actually need them anymore. 

So when is enough actually going to be enough? I don't think anyone will ever know the answer to such question, but one thing I do know? - life goes on and eventually, all the pieces will fall into place...and until then, laugh at the confusions, live for those moments that make you happy and believe in your heart that everything, yes, EVERYTHING happens for a reason. Surrounding yourself with good people and a good life should be 'enough'. Take some time to step back and look at what already exists - you'll maybe even realise how lucky you actually are. Trust me, this is coming from someone who knows exactly what they're talking about.

All of this constant searching, all of this constant obsessing over that guy you work with or who shares your office, all of this desperation and attempting to understand the fine art of dating, love, sex and soul mates has got to stop. Take time for yourself, do what makes you happy, stop that damn stressing, enjoy the ride and well, yeah, just go with it. 

It's all gonna work out - I promise.

Until next time and I hope this is enough. 

L xo