confessions of a twenty something.

Readers, 

As I find myself just having arrived back from a, shall we say, 'gay weekend' in the Danish capital of Copenhagen, combining this with a trip to Lund in southern Sweden, I thought what better time to do a new entry for you all!

As always ladies and gents', fasten those seat belts! Here. We. Go. 

So, 'confessions of a twenty something' you may be asking yourselves right about now. What's the relevance? What's the point? What am I trying to get at with this one? Well it's a simple one really, as I find myself coming to the end of the most incredible year in Stockholm, the academic year winding down for summer and above all, just back from what was the most hilarious and downright ridiculous weekend spent among the Danes, life, in short, is pretty damn sweet. It's making me realise the true beauty of being the age that I am - an age at which I'm old enough to be taken seriously in this world, but perhaps more importantly, an age where failure and not knowing your exact path is also acceptable. Conclusion? Being in your twenties is nothing less than exhilarating! 

What upsets me, however, is the extent to which many worry about their twenty something lifestyle far too much. It's almost as if when the nineteenth year passes and the twentieth birthday comes around, a sudden sense of panic, anxiety and 'shit I need to get my life together' sort of feeling takes over and therefore dominates many people's lives right through until their crowning thirtieth....if you ask me, this is the completely wrong mentality. 

Let's get it out there, being a twenty something is quite the conversation sparker, especially these days - we've been called everything from pre-adults and emerging adults to millennials and the defining decade, oh, and sometimes even the lost decade...talk about some serious labelling right?, but it doesn't stop there - we're apparently going to graduate during the worst economy the world has seen in years and to survive this, we need to be prepared to do nothing less than pull ourselves up by our bootstraps to recover what is apparently being lost in society as we know it today. We've been told that the majority of life's most significant events take place by the time we reach thirty-five and thus, have this intuitive sense that the foundations we lay now will apparently continue to carry us throughout our lives. Now as if this is not enough, being a twenty something also appears to dominate the internet world like it's some sort of sensation...we're seeing viral trends on Facebook and Twitter receiving obsessive levels of attention about the "20 Mistakes You Don't Want to Make as A 20 Something" and "20 Way's to Make it Through Your 20's". 

But why would anyone want to hurry things up and 'make it through' their 20s? 

...

So let's have a bit of a reality check here, because to be frank this mentality is, in my opinion, so far from being right. What if this is not what our twenties are for? What if this is not the purpose of being a twenty something? What if our twenties are for making mistakes, experiencing what life has to offer and above all, finding ourself and in other words, NOT establishing ourselves for the rest of our lives? My point? It's OKAY to not have a plan as a twenty something. It's OKAY not to have it all figured out and have every microscopic plan/detail in place. The truth is guys, we're all worried, we're all constantly planning ahead in our minds and panicking over the endless amount of possibilities that could happen and god knows what couldn't. Now i'm not saying it's not important to have  a rough outline and to start taking control of your own decisions and lifestyle throughout your twenties, however, there is a clear difference between the aforementioned and an absolute panicking state of mind right through what is supposed to be the 'best time of your life'. 

The reality is that this obsessive twenty something behaviour is unfortunately, not so uncommon. It's this that i'm trying to get at, it's this negative mindset and behaviour that seems to be representing the typical twenty something nowadays as we know it - a freaked out, panicking, worried ball of stress. Is this really how we want to remember our twenties when we look back? 

One thing is clear to me, us twenty somethings are constantly seen searching for answers on how to make sense of a life period that in reality, we're supposedly leading, albeit trying to. Oh the irony! Should we thus know the answers to every aspect of life as a twenty something? Is this what is expected of us? Well I sure as hell hope not because i'm nowhere close! Nevertheless, it seems that this is what we think should be the case. The reality? - quite the opposite. I too am part of such a generation. A generation of twenty somethings who has not got it all figured out, a generation that does mistakes, a generation in which failure and only a rough outline of a life plan is acceptable. Now yes, what one does in their twenties is of course important and i'm by no means saying it isn't. Many of us out there know exactly what they want and so spend little or not time beating about the bush in order to obtain it. If you're one of those people then that's fantastic! Holla at y'all! However, what i'm trying to say is that for those of you who are not so sure of your righteous path, DO NOT STRESS. Make more time for the smaller things in life and just go with the flow, life has a funny old way of working things out. I promise you that. If there's anything i've learned over this year it's that what's meant to be, will be. 

If any of you gorgeous people out there spend sleepless nights wondering whether or not you're on the brink of becoming the next big thing or, at the other end of the spectrum, find yourselves teetering dangerously close to spending the rest of your life in your parents' basement, read on. Below you will find a list of twenty things that, in my opinion anyway, forms some perfect advice/nerve settling information about making the most of your glamorous twenties. You only get them once guys, make them count! There really is nothing worse than regret. 

I see it like this, i'd rather look back at my life and say "I can't believe I did that" rather than say "I wish I did that". 

So with this in mind... 

1. Don't be afraid to jump at an opportunity. In our 20s, we all need to realise that we're  still early in our career and life, so we not only have less serious obligations, but we also aren't entrenched in our work and what we've built as our career. When an opportunity presents itself that seems unique, intriguing or interesting, then go for it! You truly never know where your experiences will lead you. 

2. Don't waste your time doing something you hate. Find a job or a course at university or whatever it may be that makes you excited to wake up in the morning. And with this in mind, if you can, save a little money! Having a little financial freedom will allow you more room to pursue your passions freely.

3. Stop complaining. You are ultimately responsible for your own happiness and success. If there is something you see wrong in the world, you can do something about it! Those that sit back and complain don't get very far, right?

4. Pick up the phone and make a cold call. Don't buy all this bullshit about what others say is the 'best option for you' - go after your own passions. Don't be afraid to make that cold call, speak up for something you believe in, or try something that scares you every now and then. Ask for what you want and you will get there a lot sooner than you think! There are no limits to what you can accomplish at such a prime time in your life.

5. Write down your non-negotiables. Our twenties are a time to be selfish and to figure ourselves out, what we like and more importantly what we are not willing to tolerate. Figuring out our non-negotiables is a must to happiness in the personal and professional areas of our life. Amen. 

6. Follow through. Set goals each month and meet them. Enough said. 

7. Be revolutionary. Don't be afraid to be radical in thought or action. This is your time so be in that state of mind. Throughout history, progress has been led by young folks who pushed the boundaries of 'acceptable'.

8. Do that 'thing' you're afraid of. If you're scared of heights, skydive. If you're scared of public speaking, make a speech. If you're scared of failure, do something you know you aren't good at. Facing small fears will make you a bolder and braver person in all other aspects of your life and thus those big scary decisions - moving to another country, quitting a job, starting a degree, won't seem so scary.

9. Be willing to embarrass yourself. The possibility for greatness and embarrassment both exist in the same space. If you're not willing to be embarrassed, you're not willing to be great. The biggest risk of our twenties would be never taking any risks at all - it's FUN to be embarrassed sometimes. It shows a strength of character and a sense of humour that is clearly in tact. Oh, and for the record, it can often result in unexpectedly good things appearing at your doorstep. Just saying... 

10. Accept failure.  Accept failure and welcome it as the stepping stone to success. When you win, be gracious, but when you fail, get back up and try harder next time. It's not going to kill you. I promise. 

11. Stop talking and start listening. I've come to see that many peoples default during their twenties can sometimes be to assume they know most of the answers. I'm terrible for this myself, not going to lie. Conclusion? Go into everything with a humble assumption that you can learn something from every single person in a room or situation, then listen first and ask questions later. 

12. Look ahead.  Dare to be intentional with your life, and to be real with yourself about what you think you may want in 10 years. It's okay to start planning, just don't let it dominate your life and become and endless journey of unending stress. 

13. Make time to stop and reflect. Reflecting will allow you to see the signs that the world is giving you about your purpose. Once you find that purpose, jump at every opportunity to live for that purpose - hold on tight by the way, it's going to be a bumpy ride!

14. Don't take yourself too seriously. I think the best way to make the most of this time in our lives is to not waste time being anxious. I'm only just entering my twenties and have already experienced so many new things both privately and professionally. I know that for me, i'm able to enjoy myself most when I don't let nerves get in the way. Most of the things I end up worrying about the most never even end up happening anyway! Let it go guys, just let it go. 

15. Discover your purpose.  Purpose is a fuel that's non-toxic to yourself and others. Find yours and own it. Word. 

16. Choose your friends wisely. Look around at the people who surround you. Are they using their time and talents wisely? Have they decided what and who they want to be in life? Are they good people? Do they support your choices, good or bad? Your circle of influence defines who you are.

17. Know that you're more than your job. There's a real sense of ruthlessness and a survival of the fittest idealisation among us today - we like to think we're indestructible and so throw ourselves in the fire and never really think we're going to get burnt. Well that's awkward, because we do. Instead, think about what makes you happy. We are more than our job and university career. We all just need to slow down, breathe, and take the time to realise that we can create our own happiness in life. 

18. Be honest.  Be honest with yourself, honest with your relationships, and honest with how you see yourself in society. This alone can create an unequivocal sense of freedom.

19. Realize that your 20s are going to fly by. No joke. We'll all be thirty before we know it. And when you wake up thirty, the only question will be whether you gave it your all in your twenties. Just go for it! You might fail, but at least you had the guts to try. If there's something you want to do, then just go and bloody do it! Don't waste time by waiting around. Yolo, right?

20. Don't rush. So many people in their 20s are in a hurry to get to where they want to be - graduated, established, promoted, in love and god knows what else. Our twenties are a time where it is ok to make mistakes as long as we learn from them. Don't be in a rush to be who you are going to be. Just enjoy being who you are.

I'll leave it there guys, below are some images of my latest shenanigans and well, I guess you can say just loving life as a twenty something! 

Spread the love guys and don't rush it.

Until next time.

L xo 

"people are too complicated to have simple labels."

Readers,

So basically i'm just gonna get straight down to business - no time like the present after all, right? 

*deep breath* 

The idea for this latest entry came about through quite a heated, nevertheless friendly (don't worry guys, there was no black eyes or broken bones!), debate with a friend of mine, and as I sit here on this Monday afternoon doing everything to avoid actually doing anything remotely uni related, now seemed like the perfect time for this post - a good old kickstart to the week! 

So anyway as I was saying, that heated debate my friend and I had a week or so back was basically, in a nutshell, all about stereotypes, assumptions and the associations we make throughout our daily lives. When I actually take the time to sit down and evaluate what was said, it's so true - in this world today, everything has a label. We label everything from fat to thin, black to white, rich to poor, ugly to beautiful, gay to straight, weird to normal and needless to say, that's just the start. I've come to realise that nothing can just 'be' what it is - my friend Calum and I used the example of Primark and the (lets be honest here), typically negative associations that come with such stores - be it the snobby impressions, the 'shitty' quality of the clothes or the specific 'people who shop in those kind of stores'. I think the controversial point underneath all of this information is honesty and ultimately, the way in which one voices their opinion with regards to a particular setting, situation or in the case of Primark, clothing store. 

By raising this topic i'm by no means saying i'm immune to doing any of this 'labelling' myself - in fact, as a person who values honesty, i'll hold my hands up and admit that i'm actually incredibly bad for doing it - i'm that controversial person who says that Primark is nothing but rubbish and that the only people it attracts are pregnant sixteen year-olds who already have three children to their name...

Now i'm well aware that what i've said above is incredibly snobby, stereotypical and for the most part, probably not true - but what's my point? It's a simple one really. WHY do we label things in such a way? WHY do we associate particular people or whatever it may be with a specific something? I mean let's just get this out there, picture this with me - you wouldn't exactly see a London millionaire shopping in a Primark store would you? Okay, maybe there is the odd one (lol), but typically speaking you wouldn't - now if you ask me, this isn't actually because the store is necessarily THAT bad, but more because of a discourse that has been created within our society - stemming across language, the associations we make, our dress sense, the way we 'come across' and well, yeah, almost every other aspect of our lives. The problem of labelling ladies and gentlemen, is a man made one. We have created this problem ourselves, and it's unfortunately not just obvious within the world of Primark. 

It has been said that "our lives improve only when we take chances and that the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves and those around us.” - However, for me, the extent to which this 'honesty' is beneficial can be seriously questioned. Is honesty, despite being an important attribute to uphold and maintain, always advantageous? When looking rationally at honesty, i've come to realise that it actually has an abundance of attached negativity. Now I know what many of you will be thinking, why or how can honesty possibly be bad? If any of you are like me you'll have been brought up to 'always tell the truth' and keep the idea of an honest state of mind within yourself in the hope that being honest in life, will result in good things coming your way. Now of course this is true and i'm by no means encouraging lying, but my point is more to try and highlight an incredibly overlooked problem - that problem guys and girls, is what i'm going to try and explain to you all, albeit from my own interpretations. Is the world ready for these interpretations? God knows! 

It's no surprise that the society we inhibit today has a clear series of unwritten and sometimes unspoken laws, rules and standards that it expects us to abide by without question - I like to think of them as a perceived set of standards and assumptions which through time and natural evolvement, have come to be 'the norm' without us thinking any different, pretty much what I was saying above. My point? - well it is this aspect of life, these standards, these rules and these expectations of what is deemed acceptable, good, bad or ugly that ultimately shapes, albeit haphazardly, the development of our youth and future generations.

From colours to activities, interests to dislikes, music to clothing, relationships to careers, an infinite number of unspoken stereotypes are all too present among the sexes and social classes in our apparently 'cosmopolitan' world today. 

Growing up in the UK, I began to notice that I wasn’t exactly like other boys my age. My interest in, for example, sports was pretty much non-existent. At school it appeared that athletics, rugby and football was deemed to be the unifying force amongst males and used to endlessly judge one’s 'manliness' in the classroom environment. Young, impressionable minds are often preconditioned to believe that any young boy who doesn’t like sports or the rough and tough exterior typically associated with them is one of two things - a 'sissy' or gay. Harsh? I'll say.   

I can always remember finding immense levels of enjoyment, fulfilment and a sheer fascination combined with absolute satisfaction among the world of creativity - the theatre, music, reading stories - in fact, my love for the arts was so strong that I found myself taking acting, singing and dancing (yes, me dancing, what a thought right?) lessons throughout my early years of high school - when I was once surely destined (in my own mind) to be the next Phantom of the Opera! Nevertheless, regardless of my talents or abilities, societal stereotypes continued to plague me. Artists, musicians, actors, anyone within the world of creativity are typically seen, viewed and classified as sensitive, emotional, and passionate individuals -  three adjectives that are apparently not associated with manliness. 

My young, male counterparts just didn’t know what to make of me, it was not that I received a ton of abuse for being a bit of an outsider (thankfully), it seemed the guys' just viewed me as the one that differed from the normal masculine mentality. When I think back, I spent much of junior school and high school avoiding, as we called it 'physical education' class (I just called it my personal version of hell), wherever and however I could - safe to say I was 'feeling sick' a lot throughout my school career *cough cough* and the funny thing? I always 'felt sick' during gym class....how convenient! 

For me, this is how it is, cards on the table - this ongoing struggle to fit within the confines of a very narrow-minded society leaves all too many individuals feeling incredibly insecure, anxious, and at times even depressed, at an age when really, they should be filled with innocence and joy with the ambition and determination at their back knowing they can be and aim for whatever they want in life.

I wish I could say that as i'm now older (and thankfully much wiser), my life is void of some of the same stereotypes I experienced throughout my youth, however, it appears that many of the men in my life that I know on a personal level continue to define themselves by macho-style behaviours, encompassing a lack of emotion, adoration for athletics, and unfortunately, a resistance to simply grow up and mature. And so the struggle for acceptance seems never-ending in a society dominated by the understanding that every man and every woman should abide by gender distinctions that apparently, we (the mass population) have 'created' for ourselves over time.

I recently came across a wonderful anonymous quote (I know, right? When am I not coming across a wonderful anonymous quote!) - "stereotypes are devices for saving a biased person the trouble of learning." In my opinion, the only reason for society’s evident stereotyping is to help those who are too cowardly to accept uniqueness, by providing them with an excuse to segregate, often bully and ultimately bring into the spotlight those who are different than to what they are, or to what they know to be normal. So many people, (myself included in this category) often spend years constantly trying to live up to gender, social class or whatever it may be stereotypes only to discover that in reality, this is not how populations should be defined. 

I always say that i'm an honest person, or at least I try to be as much as possible throughout my life. I view honesty as an essential attribute and with this in mind, i'm therefore not ashamed in the slightest to whole heartedly admit that yes, I am a guy who’s not afraid to cry when emotions sometimes weigh me down and I view social contact such as hugs and affection as more expressions of love and appreciation, not of a link to sexual preference. 

Shouldn't it be the mentality that everyone is unique in this world and those differences should be revered, not ignored? I mean lets face it, if we were all the same the world would be a damn right boring place, right? At the end of my life, I don’t want to be remembered as someone who tried endlessly to blend in with the crowd, does anyone? I mean really? I want to be remembered for being me, and so should each and everyone of YOU guys out there too. 

So shop wherever you want, Prada or Primark, be the person you want to be and break the mould in life - but moral of the story? Let people be and put to bed those downright ignorant labels! 

With that, i'll leave it there and i'll try to be less of a labelling person myself. It's safe to say i've had the ultimate realisation.  

Until next time and as always, it's a pleasure. 

Much love!

L xo

oh, mother!

Hello all you readers' out there! 

I want to dedicate this post to a very special person in my life and seeing as today (despite me not actually being there) is Mother's Day in the UK, it seemed like the perfect time to do so. Now I know what some of you may be thinking..."oh but the date of Mother's day is different depending on what country you're from" bla bla bla but this, in my opinion, does not have any less of an effect on the purpose of this post this afternoon - it's not hard to appreciate the love and respect many people have for their mother who after all, is one of the most important people in our lives.

Mother's are important for countless reasons, they not only lay the foundations for us to build upon throughout our lives, but they prepare us to fly from the nest and explore the joy of what life truly has to offer.

It's often said that "when the mother starts to shatter, then everything just comes undone" and if you ask me, this is nothing less than true. Although many of us don't think of it like this (and it's something i'm only just beginning to realise), but every minute, of every hour, of every day, our mother's are worrying about us and are constantly trying to keep themselves 'together' to enable us to continue thinking of them as a force to be reckoned with in which nothing can prove too much for them to handle. Mum, you have always been there for me - be it with advice, a shoulder to cry on, someone to keep me company or just to listen to some of those insignificant rants and moans - which let's be honest, with me is more often than not!

We've done okay you and me (and dad, bless him being outnumbered by us! I think he deserves some sort of medal!) over the past twenty years haven't we? Yes, I'd say we've been bobbing along quite nicely. Of course, like anything else, we've had our ups and downs, our good days and bad days and those fall outs in which we spend the day not speaking in a huffy state of silence - granted they were mostly down to me - but all in all I think we're doing just fine and dandy. 

You are, without question, one of the funniest people I know. You're hilarious, you have such an incredible spirit, sense of humour and personality. Oh, and don't even get me started on that laugh of yours - so damn infectious! I can't wait to have you out here with me for the long weekend in April, if it's anything like normal, it will be laughter 24-7! I honestly can't wait. 

I don't think i've ever known a person to be as selfless as you, mum. You put others before yourself in a way I just didn't think was possible, you've been there to help me through some of the toughest decision making processes in my life as well as prove an absolute rock through stressful and uneasy times. 

I wouldn't be the person I am now if it wasn't for you, mum. You taught me to be kind and loving, you showed me how to be strong and take pride in myself. You told me to stand up for what I believe in and that I shouldn't be ashamed of who I am - if I love boys, girls, both or in-between and perhaps most importantly, you are still teaching me how to be the best person I can possibly be. You're a firm believer in not letting anyone take advantage of you, and are always on the hunt to make sure that no one does the same to your 'little boy', I love that about you. When I was younger (and much, much more stupid) I used to scream "I HATE YOU" when you weren't letting me act on my stupidity, I never meant any of that of course, but now I can't even imagine saying those words to you. It genuinely hurts to imagine myself saying such things. You're my best friend, mum. If I didn't have you in my life I'd seriously be missing half of myself - that's a pretty scary thought if you ask me. 

You've supported every choice I've ever made (well that's not entirely true - you didn't support my horrific emo/punk rocker/gothic-style phase back in the day did you?) even if you're scared. I love that you trust me to do the right thing if I know within myself that it's best for me, and that i'll always make a place in my heart for coming home, no matter how far apart oceans and time finds us. When I left for Stockholm it was far from easy saying goodbye to you at the airport, and I know that it wasn't easy for you either, but I just want to say thank you for trusting me to make the move and I hope you're now seeing all the benefits it seems to be bringing! 

Thank you mum for believing in me, every step I take towards 'growing up' you're there cheering me on as well as helping to keep me on the pathway to success through the good old fashioned 'work hard, play hard' mentality! Without your support I wouldn't be able to do half the things I've done. I hope you know that I'll always be there to support you as well. There honestly isn't a thing in this whole world that I don't think you could do twice as well as anyone else - why do you think I have a 'keep calm, mum knows best' poster in my room at home?! You're an absolute rockstar in my eyes, mum!  

If I had to take away one thing from your countless words of wisdom I think it would be this - you've always taught me that it's okay to make mistakes and that they're, as you would say 'par for the course'. Because of you i've realised that you have to go out and get what you want from life because no one's gonna give it to you. If things work in my favour and I achieve what I want, be gracious, stretch back a hand and help those who helped you get to where you want to be and when things don't work out for me, or things don't go to plan as I hoped, well, I guess you've taught me that I just need to fight harder next time! 

I love you mum no matter what we go through because at the end of the day, I know you'll ALWAYS be there. You'll always be there, and so will I. 

Mum, I love you so much. 

This is for you.

L xo

all you need is sex?

Good morning my spring chickens!

...

 I feel I can officially say such things now that spring definitely appears to have arrived, don't you just love it? The longer days, brighter mornings, warmer weather and more to the point, generally happier people! The start of spring truly does put a smile on everyone's face. Arghh, I just love it! 

For those of you who don't share the same levels of excitement and are wondering as to why i'm making such a big deal of longer days and brighter mornings, try spending a winter in Sweden - where sunlight is a thing that basically doesn't exist from October till February - it will change your mind in an instant and thus, answer all those questioning thoughts about my levels of excitement. Go figure. 

Nevertheless, back to my latest post for you all this Sunday afternoon. I know what many of you are thinking, two entries in the space of a week, who do I think I am, right? Well hey, at least you guys can say i'm dedicated! More to the point, there is a clear reason for my entry today - even if it is just thoughts in my own little head. Let's see how it goes and where this post takes us - fasten those seat belts my darlings! 

So this weekend saw me going to the opening/premiere (or whatever you want to call it) of a new gay club in Stockholm called Wonk..I know right, the name is seriously questionable and, if i'm honest a lot of things about the club itself were too - now by this i'm not referring to the place itself, I actually had a great night, i'm referring to what seemed like a bunch of sex and image-obsessed people who clearly had one thing, and one thing only on their minds..

Now lets not kid ourselves, for the majority of us students these days, sex seems to be the hot topic in at least one of our daily conversations, it's totally normal - all those raging hormones and other shenanigans make it impossible not to at least touch upon the subject once or twice, whether it's friends talking about exactly what 'went down' with that ridiculously hot guy last night, or be it people just wallowing about the lack of sex in their lives whilst eating an entire tub of Ben and Jerry's...awkward. Anyhow, yes, if you ask me it seems that today it really is all about sex - I mean come on, at least give some people a glimmer of hope - for those out there who have yet to actually pop their cherry, it must feel like their virginity is constantly slapping them in the face! (figuratively, of course), because it literally is all we talk about!

Anyway, back to Friday night, after a hectic 'getting ready' process and heading into town around 2.30am to Wonk for what was certainly an unplanned evening, two main things struck me upon entering this place. Firstly, everyone had clearly spent far too long perfecting their appearance. Despite my all-too drunken state (story of my life), I can remember feeling so intimidated by far too many of the inhabitants in this place - I mean i'm all for looking your best and making an effort, but there comes a point where it's exhausting. So yeah, like I was saying, it's safe to say I felt a tad shitty with regards to my appearance on Friday, however, upon reflection, it seems that the more I think about these people that apparently increased my insecurity levels, I start to see them more as nothing less than walking insecurity beacons, slaves to the perceived judgment of others, trapped within a self-perpetuating circle of crushing status anxiety. I'd still secretly like to be and look like them, of course, I mean who wouldn't? (anyone that says they wouldn't is lying to the universe and themselves), but at least these days I can temporarily erect a veneer of defensive, sneering superiority. I've progressed that far.

The second thing that struck me was frightening - almost every single person I came across in this club were photographing themselves. In fact, that's all they seemed to be doing - standing around in expensive clothes, snapping away with phones and cameras,  one pose after another, as though they needed to prove their own existence, right there, in the moment. Crucially, this seemed to be the reason they were there in the first place - there was actually very little dancing for many, just some good old pouting and flashbulbs! Now come on, surely this is a new development - clubs have always been full of spontaneity, fun, excitement and that 'in the moment' feeling of sheer lusciousness! I can't remember even a few months back clubbers documenting their every moment the way they seem to do now - at least not to this demanded extent (I blame it all on Instagram!) Now I can't exactly sit here and preach, I do it too. Like it or not, we all do. It's clearly not enough to appreciate that we're having fun in a club anymore - we've now got to document every moment of this 'fun' onto our Instagram, Facebook, Flickr, Tumblr, or whatever it may be accounts'. Nights out have turned into an unending exhibition in which a million insecure, try-too-hard individuals attempt to out-cool each other and look the best they possibly can.

Now, back to my point. All of this effort, all of this obsessive behaviour combined with constant preening and perfecting was for one thing, and one thing only. We all know what it is, the individuals themselves knew what it was, and, needless to say, they were out with the absolute desire to achieve it. Sex.

"Go for it Lyle, he's looking at you", my friends kept saying to me on Friday. "Don't you wanna get laid tonight? Are you not just like, really in the mood?" I kept hearing - if this is the only way you can find a partner these days then it's safe to say that i've lost all hope in the world we live in - jigging about like a desperate animal in the hope that someone will notice you across a dance floor and instantly want to jump into your pants..the romance is killing me..

Can't I just go out and have fun with my friends, get drunk and forget about my day to day worries and stresses? Apparently not...

Just to clarify one thing here by the way, i'm in no way saying i'm against one night stands and that they shouldn't happen - since coming to Stockholm, i've had my fair share of them myself and yeah, they've been fun. My point is that surely this isn't the only way forward nowadays? Surely there must come a point where you simply can't be bothered with them anymore, right? Well, honestly? I think i'm most definitely at that point.

I'm starting to ask myself the same question over and over when I see 'one nighters' take place - isn't it a lot of hard work for very little reward? I mean let's break this down, seven hours of hopping around in a hellish, uncomfortable outfit, sweating like a pig in a butchers shop in exchange for what? - sharing some interesting pelvic thrusts and grinds with someone, mixed in with a bit of good old tongue-tennis in the middle of a dance floor, which inevitably leads to so much more once into full swing. The result? This person will be the one who'll snore and dribble onto your pillow till around 11 o'clock the next morning, before waking up beside you with their hair in a mess, blinking like a dizzy cat, reeking of alcohol combined with that morning-after McDonald's breath. 

Really? I mean like, really?

...

As much as these things are hilarious to talk about the morning after and create those all-time legendary memories that go down in history between friends, the reality is, if you ask me, actually quite sad. Call me old-fashioned, but what happened to sex with a meaning, sex with a purpose, sex that consists of two people madly in love wanting to share such an experience together? Like I said, i'm in the fortunate position to be sexually experienced enough for my liking, not a virgin and admittedly, like the majority of us, had those 'one night' situations a good few times that like I say, were for sure fun at the time. I think it's for this reason I feel comfortable enough to one, raise such a subject and two, pick out the flaws that are rapidly developing within the so called world of sex.

It seems, however, that what people thrive on today, especially amongst the younger generations, is sex, or should I say, meaningless sex. We see more and more that it's relationships, meaning and any sort of emotion that are being pushed to one side and replaced by a sheer ruthless, competitive and almost animalistic side within the world of sex. Intercourse is becoming an achievement, an art, something that people feel they have 'mastered', dictated by numbers or lists of people in which they have 'been with' over a given time.

If you ask me, I don't fully know how I feel about it. Do any of you? 

Needless to say, I do know one thing, for me anyway, the time has come for more. Whether this 'more' will become the reality will tell over time. 

So, is it all you need is love? Or more a case of all you need is sex in today's market? I'll leave you with that question.  

Spread the love and stay safe guys! 

Speak soon. 

L xo

#thebestfriend tag.

*So wake me up when it's all over! When i'm wiser and i'm......* 

...

Oh, sorry, didn't see you guys there - me and my singing huh? Why you may ask? I guess you could say it's because i'm still on a complete high from the INCREDIBLE show Avicii put on here in Stockholm last night! Avicii my darling, what a pleasure, I salut you dear child, I really, really do. You know those type of concerts, gigs or performances that you go to and the entire day afterwards you just have the artist or show's songs on repeat? Yeah, well today ladies and gents, that is me! 

How are you all, by the way? I hope that the beginning of the, can you believe it, THIRD month of 2014 is treating you swell and that, as you know you should, are making every minute count in this thing we call our lives. This is that time again - what have you done today to make yourself happy? Nothing? Well now's your chance - go do it! I'll meet you back here. 

So when I was thinking about what I could write in today's post for you all it didn't actually prove that hard to reach a conclusion, in fact, it came to me very quickly. This morning combined with yesterday afternoon, after speaking to the bestie about her night out on Friday and my Saturday night spent at Avicii combined with our ever-hilarious chat that takes place over iMessage and FaceTime, it hit me...THE BEST FRIEND TAG! This is actually a post I've wanted to do for some time now but has always been pushed to the back of mind for 'oh yeah, another time', well my little cherubs, that time is now! Get excited! You excited? Good, me too! 

Oh, and on another note, during my besties' night out on Friday in the big city, some cheeky buggar stole her iPhone 5 - of what is literally the extension of her right hand! I'm not even joking. In the words of my girl, "babe, I literally feel naked!!!" 

If you ask me, this post has came at the perfect time, so here goes!

Maddie, Mads, Mad-eye. My darling. My babe. My Mary (hehehe!). I hope this cheers you up, makes you smile, brings a tear to your eye and, well, makes you feel less naked?..

1.) How and when did you meet?

Honestly? God knows! No but for real, we actually met a house party for finishing our first proper set of high school exams, which as i'm sure many of you will remember, at the time seemed like the most terrifying thing to ever grace the planet! Talk about over analysing?.. I can remember I was wearing these pink, almost rosé coloured trousers with a black shirt (don't ask what I was thinking, I was 15 okay? I wasn't!) and somehow I stumbled across a drunken blonde haired chick who i'm now joined to the hip with five years later! Five years babe? Can you believe it? Where has the time gone?

2.) What's your favourite memory together? 

This question is honestly just too hard - but I think if I could explain it, I would say that with us, it's more a case of utterly ridiculous moments that actually are not funny to anyone else in the 'outside world' but are simply too hilarious to put a price on for both of us! *insert the 'WELL DONE BABE' moment coming off the bus here* wink wink! This can be anything from something we've both said when we've been drunk, something that has happened and yeah, just generally ridiculous things that would only happen when you put me and this girl in the same room! Once again, i'm sure many of you can relate. It's utterly priceless.

3.) Describe your best friend in one word.

Mad-eye, I think you know what this word is gonna be....timeless! (oh, FYI, this is one of those moments that I don't expect any of you readers to understand, just putting that out there). 

4.) What's your best friends dream job?

This is an easy one, a teacher, or should I say more specifically, a primary school one at that! There is honestly no person that I see better suited to a job than you to this one Mads - your mature, professional, approachable, tentative and hardworking nature makes you a dream candidate to kickstart the educational career of the future minds of the world! As I remember you saying to me, "a primary school teacher can be one of the biggest impactors upon a child's life", and I have no doubt that you will come to be that impactor. You're gonna rock that degree of yours and then rock that job afterwards Mrs! Who's gonna be there cheering your name? Moi! You go girl! #gomaddieitsyourbirthday

5.) What is your best friends' favourite makeup brand?

This one is again, super easy. Mads, being the incredibly typical female woman that she is and loving her makeup, has a few favourite brands with regards to the makeup world. Last time I checked they where the following - MAC, Bobbi Brown and Chanel. 

6.) What is something that annoys you about your best friend? 

Mads and I always pride ourselves on how honest our relationship is with each other and actually, is something I can say i'm very proud of. I, and I know Mads does too, really value honesty, whether it be about an opinion, something that's happened or if something is on your mind - mads and I are always there to listen to each other. With this in mind then, it automatically makes this question very, if I can use the word, 'unawkward' to answer. Mads knows as well as I do that one thing that annoys me about her is her level of indecisiveness - albeit getting better with age! Mads is never good at fast decision making or taking the reins on a situation if we're together, it's me ninety nine per cent of the time. Nevertheless, I secretly love it! Wink wink. 

7.) If you could go anywhere in the world together, where would it be and why?

We always speak about travelling together after uni, and have a 'list in our heads' of cities and general destinations that we always say 'oh babe I would love to go there with you!!' to. So I guess you could say just an amazing road trip or backpacking adventure after graduation - hitting the likes of Australia, the USA, Thailand and some European capitals! Sounds legit right? I've definitely got a bad case of the travel bug. 

8.) Favourite inside joke? 

I never laugh with someone more than with Maddie - but what is the funniest thing about our friendship is like i've previously mentioned - It makes absolutely NO sense to anyone else apart from us. We have numerous voices (yes, voices) and personalities that we switch-up between with each other and just ways of doing things that to us, are simply comical. It's really hard to explain...but yeah. Mads babe, I need a boost! Hehehe.

9.) Who takes longer to get ready in the morning?

Honestly? Me! Oh the irony - this question would probably be Maddie's response to question six. Whenever we have to leave to go somewhere or if we're going out together etc i'm always running at the cows tail (don't know the expression? Look it up!), be it fixing my hair, using the bathroom, plucking the 'last little bit to finish on my eyebrows' or packing something into a bag, i'm always the last one out the door between us! I don't even know how it happens. Being gay is hard work okay? God guys, just let me be...

10.) Favourite season?

For my girl, undoubtedly winter! Mads is forever saying to me that she "has more clothes that are nice for winter than for summer", and how she feels she "can just generally dress nicer in the winter" than for summer - oh and not to mention how, like me, she loves wearing big scarves, boots and jackets. If i'm honest i'm probably the same. As much as I like to pretend to myself that summer is my favourite season (although wearing moccasins with no socks is brill), it secretly is winter - I love my scarves way too much to put them away! 

11.) Favourite song? 

Anything about a heart-wrenching love story, corny break-up or teenage angst, me and my sassy chick are all over it! Favourite songs would be anything Beyoncé, Taylor Swift or Katy Perry (seen her twice together) related! Too mainstream for y'all? Well there's the door! 

12.) Comedy, horror or chick-flick?

Chick-flick, ALWAYS. Mean Girls, enough said. 

13.) Favourite movie?

Pretty much the same as above but more specific - Mads and I's favourite film to watch together is without doubt The Holiday, especially at Christmas! It is our yearly tradition and ritual that has yet to be broken - If any of you haven't seen it then I highly recommend you watch it ASAP. It's fantastically heartwarming, gut-wrenchinlgy romantic and downright bloody festive! What's not to love? Oh, and it has a great cast by the way. Always a plus, right?

14.) Do you guys have anything matching? 

One of the funniest aspects of my relationship with Maddie is that people think it's just that, a relationship! We are FAR too matching in many ways. Whenever we walk down the street arm in arm, there is truly nothing more convincing than the possibilities of us being married. We've come to accept that it's never really going to change and, to be honest, we love it. Oh, we also have Matching Barbour jackets that never fail to add to that good old 'Mr and Mrs' impression we apparently radiate. 

15.) What is something weird that you eat? 

With us it's not as much 'weird' things that we eat, but more just obsessions with particular things we like to eat, varying depending on the time of year and occasion we find ourselves in. Needless to say that when the cards are on the table, Mads and I can work our way through numerous cups of tea, accompanied by a pack of Digestive Caramel biscuits to dip in it - how British of us! Jolly good show Governor! 

There you go folks, just a few questions and answers to give you an insight into the simply amazing friendship I have with this girl! I hope it brought you as much pleasure and enjoyment reading it as did to me writing. 

Mads, I love you. I miss you every day and honestly don't know where i'd be if you were not a part of my life. You bring so many brilliant things to our friendship and we've shared so many amazing moments together. The thought of you not being a part of my life is quite frankly, a terrifying thought. I think it's safe to say we're joined at the hip. 

What I love about us most is that despite the distance we've been faced with over the past year, nothing changes. When we're reunited (be it via FaceTime, Skype, phone-call or in real-life), absolutely NOTHING has changed. If you ask me, that's damn pretty special. 

I'll leave you with a few quotes that I know you'll just love, seeing as i'm the one to thank for your now equally obsessed quote addiction level! Just like me. Mwahaha. 

P.s - the quote with the two finger men about falling? Made me die! What an absolute LOL. 

Sending you much love, hugs and kisses as always you sexy mofo! 

Mwah! Love you long time guuuuuuurl.

Peace out until next time kiddy-winkles! 

L xo

it's a tricky business this 'love' malarkey.

Love birds, married couples, 'open relationshippers', single beings.

HAPPY VALENTINES!!

On the eve of yet another Valentines day, as well as in the absolute midst of an all still-single life, it has dawned on me - I absolutely bloody love being single! Call me crazy? I dare you. 

It's now just under an hour till the clock strikes twelve and the big event gets officially underway. Right about now romantic flower arrangements are sitting in flower stores across the world just waiting to be delivered to that 'special someone', and god knows how many love heart balloons are bobbing away in living rooms of people's homes waiting to surprise someone after a night filled with steamy, passionate *cough cough*. 

Many of you may be wondering why i've had such a sudden realisation about loving single life - to be honest there's not really any one reason - what I will say, however, is that being single in this day and age really does have its advantages...hashtag love it! No but seriously, for once in my life i'm actually starting to become very happy and comfortable with the fact that i'm single. There's no shame in it, it's not an illness, it's perfectly normal and well, yeah...I guess that's it! I mean, when you're single you can do what you want, when you want, right?. You don't have to justify yourself to anyone, you can develop your own timescale of life and plan YOUR day around YOU, not anyone else. Oh, and those disgusting, weird, annoying and generally bizarre habits that you secretly love about yourself but no one else ever will?...well in single life such things can take place at anytime, any day, anywhere...how fabulous! 

In the weeks running up to valentines day it's safe to say we're just a tad bombard with love related items. High street stores and shopping centres are simply overtaken and turned upside down with love heart shaped cushions, teddy bears, cookies and chocolates and not to mention albums of '100 classic love songs' rocketing to number 1 on the iTunes downloaded list as well as those good old romantic comedies flying off the shelves for that romantic 'movie and dinner' couples have planned. Supermarkets are even getting involved in the love-frenzy - can you believe it? Love-heart shaped boxes are apparently the best way to hold fruit throughout the month of February. This was my discovery of the day, by the way. Fruit being sold in the shape of a heart. How adorable! 

...

There's so much pressure to not be single in this day and age and in my opinion, is something that's incredibly unfair and downright unjust. Relationships, commitment, reliability and making time for someone of importance is incredibly hard work. I feel people heavily underestimate the world of love and relationships - love is HARD work and anyone that says otherwise should definitely give me their number because I want your habits! But yeah, as I was saying, love ain't no walk in the park my friends! 

What ever happened to loving yourself first? Enjoying the time you have of being yourself with no one else to account for? Where did those days go? Single life is heavily underrated - it's great! Rock it, own it, strut your stuff baby! 

I’ve always wondered why love has to be so full of confusion and sheer abstractness. Why can’t love be simple? Why can’t it just be as pure as two people who realize that they can’t live as well, or as happily, apart as they can together? Does Valentine's day help reinforce this? Is that what it's ultimately trying to do? Keep the old 'love spark' alive? I don't know. Lauren Kate's book, Torment (great read, by the way) puts forward a quote that I feel perfectly relates to the world of love, relationships and emotions at the present time...

“They could steam up windows with their kisses, but as soon as they started using their mouths for other things - like talking - everything got so complicated.” 

Is this true? Is this the modern interpretation of what we define to be complicated? Is this the modern interpretation of 'love'? Is the purpose of Valentine's day nowadays to rather perhaps try and depart from such a depressing thought? 

It's true what they say isn't it? Love is hard and downright complicated. A tricky old business! 

Valentine's Day, while certainly more legitimate than the American Greeting's faux holiday "Sweetest Day," is still a commercialised day that has become more about pressuring people into spending money on gifts and not being single than anything else. Maybe I shouldn't say that so bluntly but come on, it's the absolute freaking truth. Women call it the 'day of love' while for all those men out there, it's more a case of the 'day of extortion'. 

If you ask me this is how it is, or rather how it should be - if you are in a happy, committed, trusting and honest relationship with someone you love and who loves you back, then EVERY day should be treated like Valentine's Day. I'm not kidding. Every day should have some form of love and romance, makes sense right? I mean at the end of the day you are choosing to spend every day of your life waking up with this person (for many with a ring on your finger as symbol of this 'love'), so why not make it as damn special as you possibly can? For the single community, it's no different, have no fear! - every date night for all you 'single and ready to mingle' cats out there can and also SHOULD be treated like Valentine's Day, that is to say if you both shut out the rest of the world (turn off your bloody phones and focus on each other!) Give it a go.

With now thirty three minutes to go at present until cupid arrives and shoots his arrows, I'm taking to bed. 

For all you couples I wish you a splendid day filled with love, sex, romance and much passion. For all you singles - GO WILD! The young, wild and free mentality, right?

Oh, I almost forgot about those people in an 'open relationship'....yeah. Have a great day.

Awkward.

Much love my darlings, see you on the other side - where i'll still be single! (unless anyone's got any offers?)

Over and out, (until next time, of course).

L xo